


Bonds of Change

by beren



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Star Trek, Star Trek XI / American Idol RPS
Genre: Bonding, Crossover, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-17
Updated: 2013-02-04
Packaged: 2017-11-05 13:04:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beren/pseuds/beren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trek XI/Adam Lambert/Kris Allen xover - When Kirk is kidnapped by xenophobic separatists from the planet Sonara his whole world is thrown into chaos. By messing with his DNA they cause his relationship with Spock to completely change bringing into question the two officers' roles as Captain and First Officer. Their only hopes are Attaché Allen and Protector Lambert, a couple from Sonara in a similar relationship to their own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Connections

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darke_wulf](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=darke_wulf).



> Written for [](http://darke-wulf.livejournal.com/profile)[**darke_wulf**](http://darke-wulf.livejournal.com/) for [](http://help-nz.livejournal.com/profile)[**help_nz**](http://help-nz.livejournal.com/). I can only apologise for how long this has taken. I just got stuck and then distracted by everything else and I have no excuse. I figured if I finally started posting it I would have to finish the last couple of scenes that seem to hate me :). [](http://darke-wulf.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://darke-wulf.livejournal.com/)**darke_wulf** I really hope this was what you were after.
> 
> Thanks to Soph for the beta.

[ My Fanfic Listings (LJ)](http://beren-writes.livejournal.com/485699.html) | [My Fanfic Listings (DreamW)](http://beren-writes.dreamwidth.org/130047.html)

Jim lay on his side and tried to stop shivering. He wasn't cold, but every muscle in his body seemed to want to tremble at the same time. He felt like an addict, but, to his knowledge, his only addiction was the Enterprise.

The week had started so well. First contact with the Sonarians; a technologically advanced, friendly, intelligent race who seemed delighted to find the Enterprise on their doorstep, had gone without a hitch. The only slightly odd part had been that the Sonarians, as a race seemed to be obessed with music. Jim had learned about a whole other side of several members of his crew, including Spock.

What no one in the Sonarian governing body had mentioned was the small, but militant, xenophobic element of their society who wanted nothing to do with anyone from outside their solar system. One minute Kirk had been talking about possible shore leave for his crew and the next he'd been hit by a blast of something that had made everything very shiny and happy for a while.

He'd come down from the harmless, but irritating high in a cell that looked more like a sickbay and he'd been there since. His captors had given him a whole speech about how aliens were incredibly dangerous to their society and then they'd started in on him. The first thing that had gone was his uniform. Soon after that the xenophobes had started to subject him to procedures of some description, the nature of which he could only guess at. Whatever they had been doing had made him woozy and unfocused, so he hadn't had much chance to do anything except lie where he was put.

The last had been the worst. Ever since they had left him, his skin felt as if it was prickling all over, he couldn't stop shaking and, if he had had anything in his stomach, he was sure it wouldn't have been there for long. It was like the worst hangover imaginable combined with motion sickness even though he was lying perfectly still.

When the door burst inwards the noise made him moan and curl up even more. It never occurred to him to look to see who it was.

"Captain."

He knew that voice, but it took his brain a moment to catch up with the fact.

"Spock?" he said, not quite believing what he was hearing.

While he had been a captive he had lost track of time and reality and his mind didn't seem overly happy at catching back up.

"Are you injured?"

It was definitely Spock, because that was a dumb assed question if ever he had heard one.

"Worst hangover in the universe," he managed to say, trying to sound nonchalant.

Then he tried to move and discovered it could actually get worse. His sense of balance was totally off and he tried to sit up and almost pitched off the side of the bed. Strong hands caught him before he could tumble to the floor, but the world was going round so badly that he almost didn't notice.

"I believe it would be best if you did not move, Captain," Spock said, as stoic as ever.

He didn't even bother to reply, he just hung on. Spock was about the only thing in the universe that didn't seem to be moving.

"Don't ..." he heard a new voice say and then stop. "Dammit."

Jim did his best to make his eyes focus on whoever was speaking. About all he managed to see was a fuzzy shape, which his brain translated into a tall man with black hair.

"What were you about to say, Protector Lambert?" Spock asked.

"It's too late now."

"Too late for what?" Jim might not have been able to see, but he was not in the mood to be talked over.

"I was going to say, 'don't touch him'," the protector said quickly, "but we'll have to worry about that later. We need to get everyone out of the shielded zone; not all the dissidents have been found yet. Since we do not know what Captain Kirk had been subjected to, I would suggest limiting physical contact to you alone, Mr Spock."

Jim would have objected, but his first officer seemed to think it was a good idea. With apparently no effort, Spock picked him up and his stomach lurched so much he had no choice but to throw his arms around Spock's neck and hang on. It should have been mortifyingly embarrassing, but being too busy trying not to throw up kept his mind and body more than occupied.

It was chaos and Jim could not keep what was happening around him straight. He rested his head on his arm and simply trusted in his first officer and whoever Spock was with to get him out of the situation. It was an alien thing to do, but even he knew how to pick his battles.

"Emergency beam out," he heard Spock say as what sounded like phaser fire passed close by them.

They had to have cleared the shielded zone, however big it was, because Jim almost instantly felt the familiar sensation of the transporter.

"Maintain contact with Protector Lambert," Spock said efficiently and Jim just about recognised the controlled environment of the Enterprise, "I will take the captain to sickbay."

At any other time Jim would have added his own input to the situation, but he felt so damn tired. His skin had stopped itching at least, but Spock was still the only thing he seemed able to concentrate on and it was hard not to just relax and let everything else go away.

Spock spoke to several people on the way to sickbay, but Jim didn't have the strength to concentrate on what was said. It was only when he was placed on a biobed and Spock finally stepped away that reality slammed into him. He did not like it at all as his whole body suddenly informed him that he needed to be awake and he could not stop himself reaching out for the lost contact.

"Spock, stay right there," he heard Bone's familiar voice say, "I need to check for contagions. Jim, just try and relax, I need to examine you."

Jim found himself being pushed gently back onto the bio bed, and his brain caught up with his instincts. He wanted to reach out to Spock, but he grabbed a hold of himself and pushed that need down; it was ridiculous. His imprisonment had affected his mind and that was unacceptable.

"Jim, simple question first, how many fingers?"

It was typical of Bones to start with something ridiculously unsophisticated. What was a little worrying was the number of blinks it took Jim to focus and find the answer.

"Three."

Bones grunted, satisfied with that and then began to scan him. It was ludicrous, but Jim couldn't stop himself looking over to Spock for reassurance as the doctor's machines beeped and whined.

"Jim, it's not good to let someone mess with your DNA," Bones said after a few seconds, "but don't worry, I'll have you sorted out in no time."

He was going to say something to that, but a hypospray was pushed to his neck and after the first hiss his whole body began to relax. Muscles that had been cramped for what seemed like forever slowly began to unknot and for a few seconds all he could do was sigh in relief.

"What did they do to me?" he managed to ask eventually as Bones dosed him up a second time.

"Well you're prettier than you were," Bones said in his usual gruff tone. "Those sparkly freckles the Sonarians have bring out your cheek bones."

"They were trying to make me one of them?"

It sounded ridiculously farfetched and more than a little insane, but that kind of thing came with the captaincy of the Enterprise, or so Jim was discovering.

"Probably objected to your stubborn streak," Bones said, hypoing him yet again. "Do not move while I check the computer."

Jim was pretty sure running away this time was beyond even him, so for once he did as he was told while Bones walked away.

"You appear somewhat more lucid, Captain," Spock said, standing precisely where he had been told to stay.

"I feel it," he admitted and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Thanks for getting me out of there."

"It was Protector Lambert's team who deserve the credit," Spock told him. "Their security system is most efficient."

Coming from a Vulcan that was high praise indeed and Jim made a mental note to thank Lambert once he was back on his feet. Protectors were the Sonarian's equivalent of police, army and security force all rolled into one and Jim had met Lambert during the initial negotiations. He had liked the man and was now very glad Lambert appeared to be good at his job as well.

"How long was I gone?" he asked.

"Three days, four hours and twenty seven minutes, ship time," Spock informed him.

"Why the hell didn't they just kill me?"

It would have made much more sense to destroy the invaders rather than try and convert them as far as Jim was concerned.

"The Sonarian people object to killing of any kind," Spock explained, stepping closer; "it is a fundamental principle of their society. It would appear that they will only use deadly force as a final resort when all other avenues have been explored."

Jim let his sluggish brain process that. Trust him to walk into the middle of a civil dispute bent on using the least violent options possible. It did, however, beat being dead.

"Anyone else hurt?" he asked, going over possibilities in his mind.

"You were the dissidents' primary target," Spock told him, "and the only crew member abducted. Ensign Checkov sprained an ankle, but he was the only other casualty."

Jim laughed at that, because he needed to release the tension somehow, and Spock's deadpan delivery was faintly ridiculous. He was incredibly relieved that the rest of his crew were safe.

"I'm sure that gained him points with Ensign Philips," he said and closed his eyes for a moment.

"I believe Checkov's relationship with Philips ended mutually two weeks ago."

Jim did not bother asking why Spock felt the need to keep up with human mating rituals on the ship, he just accepted it. At least it gave him something else to think about. For some reason he could not fathom he found himself feeling less jumpy when he opened his eyes again and looked at his first officer.

Spock was a man of few words, but Jim found the Vulcan's presence comforting while Bones busied around both of them, scanning and muttering and being, basically, doctorly.

"Okay, Spock," Bones said after about half an hour, coming back from some mysterious thing he had been doing, "you can go. Whatever the Sonarians did to Jim, it's not contagious."

"Yay for the silver lining," Jim said and did his best to smile.

The looks both Bones and Spock gave him did not share his forced levity.

"With your permission, Captain, I will return to the bridge and liaise with the Sonarian security personnel, they may have more information by now."

Jim nodded at his first officer, after all it was standard procedure. It wasn't as if he was going anywhere any time soon and who knew how long it would take Bones to put him right. If any information the Sonarians had could help, so much the better.

"Keep me informed," he said and did his best to relax.

"You'll keep me informed," Bones said and glared at Spock, "I'll be the judge of what our illustrious captain needs to know."

Jim did his best to level an 'I am the captain, my word goes' look at both men, but he was pretty sure he failed.

"Of course," was all Spock said and it could have been to either of them; damn tricky Vulcan.

The next thing Jim knew he was blinking dazedly at the ceiling, as he tried to remember what had happened. Spock had gone to leave the room to return to the bridge and ... he didn't know what had occurred next.

"Jim, can you hear me?" That was Bones and he sounded worried. Since Bones could look a major disaster in the face and just grouch about it, this in turn worried Jim.

"Yeah," he said, finding that even one word was almost more effort than he could manage.

"You've had a seizure. I just want you to lie still while I run some tests."

If he'd had the energy he would have laughed at that, because moving was the furthest thing from his mind. About all he could do was look over to where Spock was hovering in the corner of the room. That made him feel a little better and, for once, he managed to follow Bones' advice.

"If the Captain is stable, I will return to the bridge," Spock said after a few moments.

It was almost exactly what the Vulcan had tried to do only moments before, but this time Spock didn't have a chance to follow through on it. As Spock turned to leave the door to sickbay opened.

"That would be a spectacularly bad idea," the somewhat short Sonarian standing in the entrance said.

Jim thought he might have met the man at one of the diplomatic parties, but his memory was a little fuzzy, so he couldn't be sure. He definitely remembered Protector Lambert who was standing directly behind the stranger though.

"Who are you and what do you think you are doing in my sickbay?" Bones all but demanded.

"Kris Allen, Dr McCoy, cultural attaché and I apologise for the intrusion, but my partner and I are here to offer our assistance. Captain Kirk, Mr Spock, please forgive us for the sudden arrival."

Greeting visitors to his ship while lying on his back, mostly helpless, was not something Jim liked, but he barely managed to make it to one elbow before collapsing back onto the bed.

"Stay put," was all Bones said, and since there was no berating with it, Jim assumed his friend knew he couldn't have moved if he wanted to.

"You have ascertained what was done to the captain," Spock said, it was not a question.

"It took some time to untangle the computer records," Allen replied with a nod, "but, yes, our experts have recovered the data we retrieved from the raid. I'm sorry, Captain, but the dissidents were trying to turn you into what we call a submissive."

Jim managed to half sit up at that; he was submissive to no one.

"Please explain," Spock said in his annoyingly reasonable tone before Jim could voice an objection.

"Of course," Allen replied, stepping further into the room, shadowed very closely by Lambert and a member of the Enterprise's security. "Submissives are a subset of our population, both male and female. Approximately one in ten thousand of our race are born with this genetic prerogative."

"What do you mean submissive, submissive to who?" Jim did his best to demand, but he wasn't really feeling strong enough to be imposing.

"To their mate, Captain," Allen said apologetically. "At a certain time in their life submissives go into heat and seek out their balance. This heat has several stages and we have very specific non-interference laws when it comes to allowing a submissive to find their match. When they find their mate the submissive offers themselves to their chosen mate and their match may accept or reject them with a touch. It is considered a great honour to be chosen and only those with a very good reason ever refuse."

Jim didn't like where this was going.

"Why would they do that to the captain?" Bones asked.

"The dissidents altered Captain Kirk's DNA and chemically forced him into heat. We believe their plan was to mate him to one of their own. Once the mating bond is formed it cannot be broken and a submissive's mate has a great deal of power over them," Allen explained.

"So how do we undo what they did to me?" Jim asked, hoping that the grave look on Allen's face didn't mean what he thought it probably did.

The way Allen looked at Lambert and then back at him did not bode well.

"We can't," Allen replied in a very apologetic tone. "What was done to you was cutting edge science, it should never have been attempted with a sentient being. Trying to undo it would most likely kill you."

Jim looked at Bones.

"We will look at the options," was all the doctor said and Jim was not overly comforted.

He slumped back onto the biobed.

"Well then, you said this heat was induced chemically, how do we un-induce it?" Bones asked, practical as ever.

For some reason, Jim didn't think he was going to like the answer to that question either.

"It's too late," this time it was Lambert who spoke and confirmed his fears, "Captain Kirk has already formed the mating bond. That is why he had a seizure."

For a fraction of a second shock flicked across Spock's face and Jim knew his first officer had come to the same conclusion he had.

"He has formed the bond with me." Again, Spock didn't ask a question, the Vulcan simply stated a fact.

"I'm sorry," Allen said and Jim almost believed him, "but the dissidents had forced you into a state where you needed desperately to bond. When someone you trusted touched you, you reacted at an instinctive level to protect yourself."

Now he did laugh, even though he barely had the energy to do so. There went his career.

"If we resequence Jim's DNA back to what it should be, the effect should be removed," Bones said.

"Doctor McCoy," Allen said in a way that made Jim go cold, "the procedures used on Captain Kirk were not a simple combination of genetic traits. The captain's original DNA no longer exists."

"Then we can use the same techniques to return his DNA to purely human."

"The hormonal response from the mating bond would kill the captain before that could be achieved," Allen said and sounded completely sure of his facts.

Jim really didn't want to be listening to the discussion. He knew the Sonarians were an advanced race, in some ways more advanced than the Federation and he was very afraid they had found one of those areas.

"Look," Lambert said as Bones and Allen held their stand off, "we can put our experts in touch with you, Doctor, but until then, Kris and I are here to help both you, Captain and Mr Spock adjust. We are a mated pair."

That made Jim flick his eyes over the two. He had had no idea.

"You're the submissive?" he asked, looking at Allen.

"No," Lambert said and surprised him, "I am."

Lambert was a good six inches taller than Allen and Jim had seen him ordering around the security force at the government building. There was nothing at all that said submissive about Protector Lambert.

"You can't tell a submissive by looking at them, Captain," Allen said with a sad smile. "Only when they go into heat can you tell. Adam and I have been mated for four years. When he found me I was engaged to a woman, so I was shocked at the time, but submissives are never wrong in their choices when given free will."

"But I wasn't given free will," Jim said, barely managing to hide the mix of emotions that threatened to overflow as he tried to come to terms with what he was being told.

"Neither of you were," Lambert said with just enough sympathy to guilt Jim in to realising that he wasn't the only one completely screwed over by the situation, "which is why we are here to help."

"Would one of you gentlemen please explain why this situation caused my patient to have a full blown seizure?" Bones sounded annoyed.

"Captain Kirk will require Mr Spock's presence for the next twenty hours at least, while the mating bond settles," Allen said. "Anything else results in an abandonment response."

"Abandonment means death," Lambert said with deadly seriousness.

Jim was pretty sure if he started laughing again he wouldn't stop until he passed out. In the end he decided that would be a bad move, but it was a close thing. He was bonded to Spock, for life and Bones didn't seem to have a fix to hand. He and Spock barely even tolerated each other and then there was Uhura. Bizarrely that made him feel a little better; it was possible Uhura would just kill him and put him out of his misery.

"Can this get anymore screwed up?" he asked the room in general and promptly passed out.

~*~

Kris saw Spock step forward the moment Kirk slumped on the bed. It was clear the mating bond was also beginning to affect the controlled Vulcan and Kris knew he needed to talk to the man. Their society had been dealing with submissives for thousands of years, but he was well aware it could be a culture shock to other races. The moment he had been aware of what was going on he had realised what needed to be done and he had barely needed to ask Adam, because his mate had been thinking the exact same thing. An established mated pair always mentored new mated pairs and he and Adam were the closest match to Kirk and Spock.

"Damn idiot," he heard the doctor say; "if he'd just lie still when I tell him to."

"Doctor McCoy," Kris held back as Adam stepped in, "maybe it would help if I set up the links to our experts?"

Kris in turn set his sights on Spock. They had met several times at the diplomatic events the government had set up and he had never seen the Vulcan remotely rattled by anything. Spock still appeared mostly perfectly calm, but there was just something about the other man's eyes that told Kris all he needed to know.

"Mr Spock," he said quietly as Adam dealt with McCoy, "it would aid in the captain's recovery and your equilibrium if you moved closer. Light physical contact would be best."

Spock gave him a very cool stare, but when he indicated Kirk, Spock finally moved. He could actually see some of the hard lines of Spock's shoulders relax a little when the Vulcan gently placed two fingers against the skin of Kirk's arm.

"Why is this situation affecting my physical responses," Spock asked in a completely logical tone; "I am not Sonarian?"

At least there was no denial in the question.

"When you inadvertently accepted the mating bond, Captain Kirk's brain waves adapted to be perfectly compatible with yours," Kris explained as gently as he could. "There is a low level empathic bond between mated couples; not enough to be consciously apparent, but enough for one to affect the other."

Strangely, that part of the explanation did not seem to faze Spock in the slightest.

"Similar to the Pon Farr, but faster," the Vulcan said and Kris made a mental note to ask about that when things were not so on edge.

Kris shifted his attention to Kirk for a few moments. Ever since Spock had initiated physical contact, the captain appeared to be resting more easily.

"When we first contacted your government, why did they not mention the xenophobic element to your society?" Spock very succinctly drew him from his musings.

While Kirk had been missing the Vulcan's focus had been purely on finding his captain, but now, it seemed, it was time for the questions.

"We honestly did not think they would be a threat," he replied with complete openness. "In the past the separatists have preached their doctrine and refused to interact with outsiders, but they have never acted against them. You have to understand, Mr Spock, we are not a confrontational people. What the dissidents have done is almost incomprehensible to us."

He wasn't sure Spock totally believed him.

"The separatists believe outsiders will corrupt the song of our people," he tried to explain, "the rest of us believe that the song can only become greater the more harmonies that are added to it."

"You claim to be non-confrontational and yet your planetary security service is one of the most efficient I have seen," Spock said without commenting on his explanation.

"Please do not misunderstand me, Mr Spock," Kris said with a small smile, "we are not pacifists. If violence is necessary we will use it, but we have always preferred to settle our disputes in other ways."

"Your bards," Spock said with a nod.

Kris was a little surprised, he had not expected any of the outsiders to have investigated his own planet's methodologies that closely yet.

"Exactly," he replied candidly. "Thousands of years ago, when our planet was still divided, my people decided that music was a far greater weapon than force. Planetary debates are still held in song. We believe that music calls to the soul and a song will call people to make the right decision. When a member addresses the assembly they are still referred to as a bard."

The way Spock's eyebrow lifted slightly made him think Spock was not quite of the same mind.

"Your planet still appears to be divided."

That stung a little.

"The separatists are only a very small number," he defended his people, "and even fewer still of those are advocates of violence. Members of the separatist movement aided us in finding those responsible for the acts against your people."

That appeared to be the right thing to say, because Spock nodded again.

Kris did not really understand the Vulcan. The man appeared to be emotionless on the surface and yet he had heard Spock play the most incredible music at one of the receptions. Spock was a conundrum.

"It would be best if Captain Kirk was allowed to rest for several hours," Kris decided to be practical for the moment, "I would recommend you do not move further than a few feet away during that time."

Spock acknowledged him, but did not reply and Kris decided to go and talk to Adam and Dr McCoy and allow Spock time to think things through.

**End of Chapter 1**   



	2. Remade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Spock have to come to terms with what is happening between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this took a lot longer than I expected. Nearly finished the next part as well.

Looking in the mirror wasn't really something Jim wanted to do, but the control freak living under his skin made him. Spock was doing his very best to pretend not to be paying attention, so he had as much privacy as he was going to get given that they still had to be in the same room. The sonic shower had been good, but he really needed a shave. Of course most of his things were back in his quarters and not in sickbay's little side bathroom, so that would have to wait.

After a night of dreamless sleep thanks to Bones' hyposprays, he felt stronger and much more together, but his reactions to Spock were still freaking him out. Owning the changes to his physical appearance was about the best he could do to take control of the situation at the moment.

Eyes that weren't quite his own stared back at him as he finally looked at himself. His irises were still blue, at least, but they kind of glittered, just like the markings that ran along his cheek bones now. The Sonarians were, for want of a better word, a sparkly people and now he resembled them quite a lot. According to Spock's initial analysis when they had arrived at the planet, the Sonarians regulated their biorhythms through microscopic crystals in patches of their skin and other body parts, which, when grouped together, refracted light. Evolution seemed to have made this effect a kind of display.

Jim was glad he was not as glittery as Lambert, who seemed to have patches all over his body, or at least what was visible of it given the man's short sleeved uniform. On quick inspection, Jim's seemed to be limited to his face and the hollow of his throat, which was at least one blessing.

The whole situation was so completely screwed up. He did not want to be bonded to Spock, it was just utterly insane. The fact was, some crazies had messed with his DNA and Bones would figure it out and unscramble it for him. He had to believe that because everything else was simply impossible. Until then he had to live with the glitter.

Glancing at Spock, he could feel his instincts reaching out, all but demanding that he be as close to his first officer as possible. It was almost a compulsion, but he refused to give in to it. When this was all over he would laugh about it, he was sure. It was so bizarre it had to be funny. Until then he was fighting.

Taking a brush, he dragged it through his hair and did his best to make himself presentable.

Twenty minutes later he was dressed and feeling a whole lot more like himself. A night in sickbay was never something he enjoyed and having to be near Spock was kind of embarrassing with so many people in and out all the time. He felt a bit like a bug under a magnifying scanner.

"I'm releasing you to your own quarters," Bones told him, "but if I see you anywhere near a duty station I will confine you to sickbay, do you understand."

"Yes, Bones," he said dutifully; his doctor friend knew him too well.

"Take some time, rest and figure this out," was the gruff advice, but Jim wasn't sure he wanted to figure it out. "I want you back here at eighteen hundred so I can give you a check up. If I come up with anything with the Sonarians before then I'll contact you."

Jim nodded, praying that that call would come sooner rather than later.

"Shall we?" he asked of Spock, Allen and Lambert, who were all hovering nearby.

"After you, Captain," was Spock's professional reply.

He had to nod at a few people on the way back to his quarters, but he managed it without actually having to talk to anyone, which was a blessing. However, he couldn't help feeling that his rooms were way too small with four people in them. He felt claustrophobic, as if he was trapped, but he knew it was just the situation making him feel that way.

"Tell me about being a submissive then," he said, sitting down and ignoring all his instincts to be closer to Spock. "What should I expect until Bones can figure this all out?"

Given the expression on Allen's face, he was pretty sure the attaché didn't believe the situation was going to be figured out, but Jim was an optimist. However, forewarned was forearmed, at least he hoped so and he looked at Lambert for an answer.

"In the beginning you do want to do everything your mate tells you," Lambert said in a very sympathetic tone, "but that's just the bond settling down. You will adjust and things will seem more normal."

"How can anything about this ever be normal?" Jim asked, feeling peevish and conflicted. "I don't want any part of it."

"The first thing you have to accept is that you do," Lambert told him, annoying him even more. "At least for now," the Protector added quickly. "At a fundamental level, you do want your mate and you do want him to tell you what to do. Until you accept that, you can't begin to control what is happening to you, even in the short term."

Jim glared at Spock, who was sitting calmly in the corner, apparently failing to react to anything that was going on. The pull and the need to walk over to Spock was incredible, but he refused to give in to it. He was the damn captain, he could not be weak.

"I cannot be like this and remain a Starfleet captain," he objected, because that was one of his central dilemmas.

"Of course you can," Allen said.

"Starfleet will not allow a captain to maintain command if he is compromised by his first officer," Spock countered and Jim hated it, but he had been about to say something along the same lines.

"Once the bond has settled it isn't like that," Lambert said and then looked at Allen for backup.

Jim looked at Allen as well to see what the smaller man would say.

"Adam, sit!" was the rather surprising response.

Lambert just lifted a very unimpressed looking eyebrow at that.

"But..." Jim said, however it appeared Allen wasn't finished.

The Sonarian walked up to his mate and smiled in a very sexy way, placing a gentle hand on the other man's chest. The change was almost instantaneous and, as Jim watched, he saw Lambert's focus narrow down completely to Allen.

"Adam, sit down for me, Baby."

Lambert kind of folded like a house of cards and ended up sitting cross legged on the floor, staring up at Allen.

"Thank you," Allen said and bent down to give the other man a kiss.

The smile that graced Lambert's face was kind of euphoric; the man looked so incredibly happy. Jim didn't know whether to be creeped out or happy with him.

"Do you see the difference?" Allen asked and offered Lambert his hand, while glancing at first Spock then Jim.

"The response is sexual," Spock said.

"Partially, it's about pleasure, sex was just the easiest illustration," Allen said and smiled a little.

Jim did not feel like smiling and when he looked down at his hands he realised they were shaking. It was humiliating. When Spock silently stood up, walked over and sat down next to him he wanted to scream, especially when the tremors running through him stopped.

"I would suggest you rest, Captain," Allen said in what was an annoyingly compassionate tone. "You are still going through a hormonal upheaval and the more you rest the sooner it will be over."

He wanted to scream at them all and tell them to get the hell out of his personal space, but he just nodded. At least if he was asleep, or reading a book or something he didn't have to think too much. Even though he had only been up and around for an hour or two he was feeling sleepy again.

"With your permission, Captain," Spock said as logically and politely as ever, "I will remain within arms reach."

"Whatever," he replied, "sorry," he apologised instantly, after all it wasn't Spock's fault.

"Your ire is perfectly understandable, Captain," Spock told him, "I do not take it personally."

Jim felt like laughing, because that was so Spock and for some reason it pissed him off even more. If Spock had been demanding answers and yelling at people it would have been somehow easier. The Vulcan's calm acceptance got on his nerves.

Before he could say or do anything else stupid, he picked up the PAD from his table.

"Um," he said as he realised he had no idea where Lambert and Allen could go if not his rooms.

"I need to liaise with my government," Allen said as if sensing his confusion. "With your permission, Captain, Adam and I will retire to our quarters. If you need us, please do not hesitate to call."

Jim nodded without even thinking about it. He was glad someone had seen fit to assign rooms to the two visitors.

"Thank you," he said, "for everything."

"It is the least we can do," Lambert told him and he had the feeling the man really meant it.

It was when the two men left that he realised he was holding the PAD, but of course Spock had nothing. Since Spock could not leave him that made for a very awkward situation.

"Um, did you want this?" he asked, offering the device to the Vulcan.

"Thank you, Captain," Spock replied, "but I have already requested several things brought from my quarters. Yeoman Evans should arrive with them momentarily."

Now Jim did laugh, of course Spock had everything organised. Praying that he would not lose what was left of his mind before Bones came up with a solution, he set his mind to reading. Bones would undoubtedly have his hide if he so much as looked at a report, so he pulled up the book he had started before the whole Sonarian mission had come up and settled in.

~*~

Adam was humming as they walked back to the rooms they had been assigned and Kris couldn't help noticing it was not the most happy sound. When they were off duty Adam had a habit of bursting into song at every opportunity, but they hadn't been off duty in days and Kris could tell the tension was clearly getting to his mate.

He really did need to talk to some people on the ground and so did Adam, for that matter, but he made a quick decision as he took in Adam's demeanour.

"I'll," Adam said as they walked into their quarters, but Kris didn't let his mate get any further.

What he did was crowd in close and push Adam towards the nearest wall so they were in very close physical proximity.

"You're humming," he said, looking into Adam's eyes.

"Am I?" Adam asked, the surprise dimming in his face very quickly. "I hadn't noticed."

"You're worried about them," Kris replied with a nod.

"They're so completely unprepared for this."

"They're already beginning to adjust."

Adam sighed.

"You don't think the doctors will find a way to reverse it, do you?" Adam said.

"I spoke to David this morning," Kris admitted; "he was working all night. His team can't find any way of reversing the changes, even with Dr McCoy's input. Changing the captain's DNA back is not the problem, it is what the process would do to him that is the issue. When Jim and Spock finally accept the truth we will have to be ready."

Adam nodded.

"And that means not tense," Kris added and gently placed his hands on Adam's chest.

"How not tense?" Adam asked, tone very interested.

"I'm making an executive decision," he replied, stroking slowly down over Adam's pecs; "we're taking an hour or so off."

"Are ... are you sure ... we have ... time?" The fact that Adam managed to get out the whole sentence underlined exactly how worried he was about their new friends.

"We're making time," Kris said and licked his lips.

Adam was a workaholic, totally dedicated to his duty when he had to be, but Kris knew exactly how to slide round Adam's defences. One of the reasons they matched so well was Kris knew how to make Adam relax when he needed it.

"Nothing is going to change in an hour," he promised, flicking a finger over one of the hard nubs of Adam's now erect nipples under his mate's shirt. "We need to be perfectly in harmony to be able to help Jim and Spock."

This time when Adam hummed under his breath it was a much clearer, higher note.

"I want you to stay right there while I take care of you," Kris said, giving his mate a small, sexy smile as he slowly sank to his knees.

"Kris," Adam whined, staring down at him with wide blue eyes, sparkling in the light.

"Let me have you, Love," he cajoled, letting his fingers linger on the top of Adam's pants, "and then you can have me."

That was the moment Adam's resolve snapped; Kris watched it happen in Adam's expression. Adam gave him control and that was the permission he was looking for.

"Please," Adam whispered.

It was definitely not the first time Kris had been on his knees for Adam and he found the invisible fastenings on Adam's pants with ease. Then he carefully pulled them down, revealing Adam's semi-hard cock as he did so. Adam was a virile man; it was never difficult to arouse him and Kris loved doing so.

"All for me?" he asked and put on his best innocent expression, because he knew it drove Adam completely mad.

Adam's cock twitched and grew some more as Adam all but growled. Never let it be said that the submissive was not as possessive as the other half of a mated pair. Kris smiled and licked his lips again, before leaning forward and just breathing on Adam's impressive manhood.

He still remembered his first thought on seeing Adam fully erect after they had woken up having completed the bond. It had been 'how the hell did that fit?' and the memory of the ache of being claimed in the same way he had claimed Adam was also something he would never forget.

The whining sound Adam made in the back of his throat was as close as Kris would get his mate to begging unless he played this out a lot longer than he intended. He could reduce Adam to pleading, sometimes they both enjoyed it, but not today. Since Adam had asked so nicely, Kris leant forward and flicked his tongue out, just tasting the tip of his mate's cock as he placed his hands flat against Adam's stomach.

That was all it took for the cock in front of him to jump to full hardness and Kris rewarded his mate by licking his prize from root to tip. In response Adam made the most delicious sound that sent shivers right through Kris. Adam was always vocal, not always coherent, but always loud and Kris loved every second of it. He was pretty sure that if anyone could make music out of sex it would have been Adam.

With that in mind, he decided to ring as much noise out of his mate as he possibly could, so he started by drawing Adam's cock into his mouth.

"By the harps of Aldair," Adam exclaimed and Kris hollowed his cheeks and sucked, at which point Adam went non-verbal again and the most sinful moan echoed across the room.

Kris would have liked to have had Adam laid out on the bed, naked with full access, but he didn't have enough patience for that. They could get to that part later. He couldn't even really get into Adam's clothes to reach Adam's sac, because Adam's uniform was sinfully tight, so he had to improvise. Using his tongue, his lips, the back of his throat and a creative touch of teeth here and there, he proceeded to take Adam apart.

He'd never slept with a man before Adam, but since their bonding he had had a great deal of practice. He knew every response his mate could give and just what it meant and he showed no mercy, pushing Adam closer and closer to the edge with dedicated concentration. It was really no wonder that Adam couldn't hold out for long.

"Kris ... Valir's balls, Kris ..." was the only warning he had before Adam bucked and erupted into his mouth after only a few minutes.

Adam's seed was sweet, with a slightly salty edge as he swallowed it down before drawing back and licking at the tip until Adam was a quivering wreck.

"Can't ... please ... no more."

That was his cue to be merciful, and this was all for Adam, so he was.

Kris climbed to his feet feeling very pleased with himself. His own arousal had bloomed while he had seen to Adam, but right about then he was more interested in just looking at his mate. Adam was leaning against the wall, eyes closed with a blissed out expression that Kris just loved to see on the other man's face. The fact Adam looked a whole lot more relaxed made him very, very happy.

However, then Adam's eyes opened and Kris found himself the focus of a very hungry stare. Adam's expression slowly morphed into a mischievous smile and Kris knew he had just lost control of the situation.

"I seem to remember you saying something about me having you," Adam said and pushed off the wall.

Kris smiled back, after all, this was what he'd been aiming for.

~*~

Jim had taken a long nap around thirteen hundred and had woken with a great deal of energy. He felt much more settled than he had done since his rescue and he was almost cheerful on his way to sickbay for his check in with Bones.

"Dammit all to hell."

Jim did not like the sound of Bones' tone as he walked into sickbay, Spock a few feet behind him. He was feeling much more with it now and it was McCoy who looked like he needed a week's sleep.

"Care to enlighten us?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant, even though he wasn't feeling it at all anymore.

The apologetic look that crossed Bones' face told him just about all he needed to know.

"You can't reverse it, can you?" he said, not waiting for his friend to reply.

"Not without a ninety percent chance of killing you," Bones told him and he considered that risk for a moment. "I won't do it."

That rather stopped his pondering; sometimes he thought Bones could read his mind.

"But..."

"First do no harm," Bones said firmly and Jim realised he had lost the argument.

He wasn't sure what to say.

"I won't stop looking," Bones said, patting him on the arm and looking him in the eye.

Jim glanced at Spock and then the two Sonarians just entering the room. He sat down on the nearest biobed and took a deep breath, finally accepting that there was no way out.

"How do you recommend we proceed, Doctor?" Spock asked in his usual reasonable tone.

"This isn't my area," Bones replied and then looked at Allen and Lambert. "I suggest we ask the experts."

Allen looked vaguely apologetic, but thoroughly unsurprised, something which annoyed Jim for no reason other than the timing. The Sonarians had been nothing but helpful, but their presence underlined his whole problem which made Jim feel insecure and on edge.

"Well, it would be best if the captain and Mr Spock have some time alone to come to terms with what is between them," Allen said. "Newly bonded pairs are usually left to solidify their connection for a couple of days at least."

It was all said in such a sensible manner that it rubbed Jim completely the wrong way.

"I don't have time to just disappear," he said in a very pointed tone; "I have a ship to run."

"Jim, stop being an ass," Bones said.

"Am I going to have seizures if I'm away from Spock anymore?" Jim asked bluntly, ignoring his best friend.

"From the way you're reacting this morning," Allen replied, "no; it's unlikely."

Jim stood up.

"Then there's nothing actually wrong with me except for a sudden obsession with my first officer, is there?" he demanded.

"Captain," Spock tried to put in a word.

"Is there?" Jim growled at Bones.

"Technically," Bones said, "no..."

"Then we can fit this in around what I'm actually supposed to be doing," he responded, even though he knew he was being unreasonable.

"Captain, while I salute your dedication ..." Allen started to say.

"No," he interrupted, "I don't care what you are going to say. I'm a star ship captain, dammit, and I'm going to do my job."

"Enough," Bones was loud as he brought the discussion to a halt. "If you had let me finish, Captain," his friend said testily, "there was a 'but' coming. It is my job to maintain the mental as well as physical health of the crew when a medical condition is affecting a person's state of mind. In my opinion, Captain, you should do whatever the sparkly little guy tells you to."

"But I'm physically fine."

"You're going through hormonal changes that would knock over an elephant," Bones countered.

"I'm going back to work."

"Do not make me put in the medical log that you're emotionally unstable and unfit for duty. Take the days, Jim."

Bones had given him some ultimatums in his time, but never like that. It gave Jim no choice and he glared at everyone in the room in total betrayal. He was not going to let this beat him and the sympathy in Lambert's eyes was just too much. Wrapping what dignity he had left around himself he strode towards the doors.

"Captain," Spock called after him, but he ignored it.

Jim realised how completely stupid it had been for him to storm out the moment the door to his quarters closed behind him and he sagged a little. At least he hadn't collapsed as soon as he was out of sight of Spock, but he could feel the instinct to go and find his first officer clawing away at his insides. Pure stubbornness stopped him acting on it.

He turned wearily as the door chimed a few seconds later and he touched the button to open it. Finding only Lambert on his doorstep, he was a little surprised.

"Hi," Lambert said with a sympathetic smile.

"Come in," Jim said and just turned away, sitting down on the bed and trying to figure out just how his life became so screwed up.

"Kris is helping Spock sort out a few things," Lambert said, stepping in before the door closed, "I thought you might like to talk."

It seemed to Jim that everyone had done nothing but talk over the last two days and he shrugged non-commitally. He hated feeling so out of control.

"Take a seat, Protector Lambert," he offered, feeling somewhat stupid about his previous outburst.

"Thanks, but first things first, call me Adam. I know it's hard, but I can help, I promise."

Jim nodded; now he had calmed down he could see that. He just really hated being forced into situations.

"Jim," he reciprocated.

"It's not about being forced to obey," Adam said, sitting down next to him and somehow managing to pick the major issue he had with the whole situation, "it's about wanting to make him happy."

"He's been a pain in my ass since the day I met him, I don't want to make him happy."

Adam gave him a small smile for that; it did sound pretty childish.

"You trust him and you're attracted to him," Adam said and sounded perfectly sure of himself, "if you weren't the bond would never have taken. You'd been forced into a desperate state, but you weren't in the most extreme stage. Something in you wanted Spock."

"Not something I was conscious of," he admitted with a sigh.

He was so fed up of being angry and confused that he finally gave in, just a little bit.

"How do you prepare for something like this?"

"Mostly you don't."

"But surely you did?"

"I didn't know," was the answer that surprised him completely.

He had assumed in a society like the Sonarian one that they would have had a system, it seemed he had assumed wrong.

"There is a simple genetic test to tell if someone is a submissive," Adam told him, "but very few people take it. There's no way of telling when a submissive's heat will happen, it's not like puberty, and most of us don't want to live worrying about it. There are programs for those who want to find out and get ready, but usually it just happens."

At least he could understand that reasoning; he couldn't imagine living with the knowledge that one day you were going to be at the mercy of some random person.

"How did it happen with you?" he asked, knowing that he was probably stepping over a line, but needing to know.

"I was living with another man," Adam said with a wistful little smile, "and we thought we were very much in love. Then one day I didn't really feel like having sex anymore. We were a really active couple if you know what I mean?"

Jim nodded; he knew exactly what Adam meant.

"It happened slowly for me," Adam explained, "over a couple of weeks, but eventually I didn't just not want to have sex, I couldn't. When he touched me it felt all wrong. I was twenty two and I thought I suddenly hated sex; it was my mom who realised what was happening."

It sounded thoroughly traumatising to Jim.

"What did you do?"

"Once I knew, it was easier; we're geared up to deal with the whole thing. I registered my status, had a tearful goodbye with Brad where he told me he would always love me, and then went walk about."

"You just followed your nose?"

"Exactly. I had no idea where I was going, but something kept me moving. It didn't get weird until I had almost found Kris. He was organising some event or other, I don't even remember what, I was so distracted. The only thing I remember clearly is seeing him for the first time; it was like I had been hit over the head or something. It was as if I was listening to the most beautiful song ever composed. I think I walked right up to him and just stood there staring like an idiot."

Given how Jim remembered Spock being about the only thing in his world that had made any sense for a while, he could sympathise.

"How did he know you weren't just some wacko?"

"He felt the pull. It's not just you who is feeling things, trust me, even if Spock isn't showing it."

That made him feel a little better.

"He touched me and the next thing I remember is waking up curled up with him in the nearest medical facility. We had our own room and they left us alone for two days while we got to know each other and explored. It was the strangest time of my life, but Kris is everything I ever needed and didn't know."

"But he can control you." It was the point Jim kept coming back to.

"Anyone can control you if you let them."

Philosophical discussions were not what he was after.

"It's a little more real than that," he said, feeling annoyed again.

"Do you give in to every instinct you have? If you want to hit someone, do you just do it?"

Jim frowned.

"Once upon a time I did," he admitted, "but then I joined Starfleet."

"Something else gave you a reason to control yourself," Adam said in a very sagely manner. "Once you have adjusted it will be the same with your mate. Kris can make me do things, but only because I let him."

"But why do you let him?"

"Because I want to."

He didn't get that, he really didn't.

"Would you believe I was an exclusive top?"

That was actually very easy to accept.

"You look the part."

"I could never give up the control, not until Kris," Adam said and Jim was very aware just how private this information was. "I haven't changed that much. I still top a lot of the time and Kris loves to bottom, it's one of the reasons we match so well, but I can give up that control now. In the bedroom I will submit to Kris in a heartbeat, I don't even think about it, but sometimes that means throwing him on the bed and screwing him until he can't even walk. I love to give him exactly what he wants."

Adam was being blatantly honest and Jim finally realised what the man was trying to tell him.

"What about in everyday life?" He had to understand.

"Part of me wants him to tell me exactly what to do all the time. Most of me is just who I was before. You have to find the balance and reassert who you are while integrating the part that is new. It takes time, but it can be done."

So far Jim had been pushing away that new part; he didn't like it, he didn't want it and it made him feel weak. Adam was telling him that wasn't true.

"How?"

"Accept it."

He looked Adam directly in the eye then.

"Embrace it."

He really wasn't sure he could do that.

"Enjoy it."

"I'm not sure that's possible," he said and he honestly believed it.

"You'll never know unless you try."

He was not usually afraid of new things, but then usually he was in control. For two days he had been running away from the inevitable, but it slowly began to dawn on him that if he actually started participating he might at least be able to fool himself into believing he wasn't completely at the mercy of his hormones.

"Is Spock okay?" he found himself asking as he finally let his instincts get the better of him.

"He seems to be," Adam told him and gave him a supportive smile; "his logical approach to everything appears to be helping."

"None of this is logical," Jim countered.

"No," Adam admitted and placed a gentle hand on his arm, "but it can be amazing, I promise. If you accept what has happened, you may find you do not want to go back, even if Dr McCoy eventually finds the answer."

Jim snorted derision at that.

"I wish I could explain to you how Kris makes me feel," Adam said.

The mental image of Adam sitting on the floor looking up at Kris flashed through his head, that smile had so much more than words. Jim didn't think it would ever be that way for him though; he was not made that way.

"What comes next?" he asked, needing something else to think about.

"Usually sex," Adam said, totally unselfconscious about the whole subject.

Jim groaned and put his head in his hands; he should have known that.

"Just tell me I'm not going to go running naked through the halls trying to find my pointy eared love god."

Adam laughed and squeezed his arm.

"As long as you don't try and ignore it too long."

Jim wasn't quite sure if Adam was being serious or not.

"I cannot believe this is my life."

"Don't tell me you would say no to sex," Adam said in a very unsympathetic manner, "I heard about your reputation from several members of your crew."

For about half a second Jim considered being scandalised, but decided it wasn't worth the effort. Having sex with Spock did not scare him in the slightest, having sex and not being able to control himself, that was the issue.

~*~

Jim had spent a good hour talking to Adam, discussing his reservations and everything he wasn't sure about. Adam was a good listener and patient with all Jim's questions and it really did help. By the end he almost felt ready to face the reality. Of course there was one person he hadn't spoken to properly yet.

That was why he asked Adam and Kris (they insisted on being called by their first names) to give him and Spock some time alone. This time he was not about to avoid the issue at hand. It seemed, however, that all his carefully planned questions went out the window once they were actually in the same room. Spock made him all illogical, the irony of which was not lost on him at all.

"Captain," Spock said politely in greeting and then waited patiently for a response.

"Do you find me attractive?" he found himself blurting out before his brain to mouth filter caught up.

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry," he said, and turned away; it had been a stupid question.

"I have always found you to be an intriguing example of your species," Spock replied and surprised him, giving him the courage to look back at the Vulcan. "When we first came into contact I believed many of your qualities to be dangerous and impractical, but I have since come to revise many of my opinions. Your body shape and facial features are also pleasing in an aesthetic manner which is stimulating to reproductive urges."

Jim frowned; he wasn't stupid, but sometimes Spock took some interpreting.

"Was that a yes?" he asked.

Spock inclined his head which Jim had learned to read as a nod.

"According to Attaché Allen it would make no difference if I had not been previously," Spock told him, which made him turn fully towards the Vulcan; "your body chemistry is now perfectly adapted to illicit physiological responses from me."

Jim felt something in his chest twist.

"So I've trapped you into this as firmly as I have been trapped," he said and felt strangely light headed.

"Captain," Spock said and he quickly found himself being supported by strong arms, "I am not trapped."

That didn't make any sense.

"But you said ..."

"I wished only to illustrate that this situation is not unpleasant for me," Spock told him, sitting him down in the chair next to his desk. "I have noted that you are inclined to worry about such things and would be unlikely to accept the logical course of action if this were the case."

Spock definitely had him nailed on that one.

"I am Vulcan, Captain," Spock continued to explain; "I have been trained since childhood to overcome instinctive urges. If I so chose I could walk away."

"Why don't you?"

He couldn't help asking. All pointers were indicating that this was not going to simply disappear thanks to the wonders of medical science; it was for keeps unless Bones pulled off a miracle.

"It is only logical to preserve life," Spock said, but Jim didn't buy it.

There was logical and then there was unreasonable.

"Do you think Doctor McCoy and the Sonarian scientists will ever find anything to reverse this?"

Sometimes asking Spock direct questions that weren't quite the questions you wanted answered was the only way to find out things from the tight lipped Vulcan.

"That is not my field of expertise," was the evasive reply.

"Stop hedging and answer the question," Jim insisted in his bluntest tone.

For a moment Spock simply looked at him.

"Given current evidence," Spock finally replied, "I would have to conclude they will not."

Which was precisely the answer Jim had expected.

"Then you're looking at this as a permanent arrangement," he said, since that was the only logical extrapolation, "which makes it less logical. I'm just one man and, weighed against your whole life plan, saddling yourself with me is tantamount to illogical."

Spock lifted an eyebrow at him again.

"I would disagree, Captain," Spock said, "however, I fear you will not be swayed from your opinion by pure logic. Since your health is at stake I am forced to admit you have become important to me. You are annoying, confrontational, often irrational and delight in entirely unnecessary mischief and yet I find I would miss you were you no longer there."

Jim actually felt a little better at that revelation and he finally managed a real smile.

"Yeah," he said, "I like you too, even if you are arrogant, a know it all and far too interested in efficiency."

That earned him another eyebrow, which he took as a win.

"Thank you," he said, becoming serious again.

Spock simply nodded and the moment was over.

"I was talking to Adam," Jim said as the silence that had fallen started to feel awkward; "he said that sex usually comes next."

"A logical progression," Spock replied with a nod, "and one which I believe should increase the rate of adjustment to make this transition easier on both of us."

Jim had never had such a frank discussion about sex before. He usually relied on games before finally bedding someone. The game was half the fun, but they were way beyond that. Spock's detached acceptance was a little off putting. He was almost expecting the words 'bodily functions' to come into the conversation at some point.

"So, we should ... um ... then ..."

Talking about sex wasn't usually a problem for him, but then he'd never had a sex talk with a Vulcan.

"Have sex, Captain?" Spock asked. "Yes, I believe that would be prudent. However, it is almost time for the next meal and you require regular sustenance to recover from your imprisonment. Hence I would suggest we eat, rest for a sensible period and then reconvene this instigation of physical intimacy."

Jim thought he might be losing it just a little, because the way Spock said 'physical intimacy' was almost sexy.

~*~

This was it, they were alone, together and Jim was supposed to finally give in to his instincts. He wasn't overly sure Spock had instincts, but they just had to get on with it. They had had dinner with Adam and Kris, Spock had explained their decision and the Sonarians had seemed very happy about the whole thing. Now Jim was trying to concentrate on his attraction to Spock and not over think things.

"I believe I have a solution to your problem, Captain," Spock said and totally wrecked any mood Jim had been trying to set in his head.

"Jim, please call me Jim, or at least Kirk; this is hard enough without the whole Captain stuff."

"But, Captain," Spock said, raising one of his elegant eyebrows, "I believe that may be part of our solution."

Jim sagged just a little. Of course what Spock wanted, Spock was going to get; he didn't have much of a choice, but he had been hoping the other man was not going to make this difficult. There was so much he didn't understand about Spock, but he was trying.

"How?"

"In recent months, since my lack of foresight and subsequent loss of control after the destruction of Vulcan, it has come to my attention that through Vulcan discipline I have been neglecting the additions to my psyche from my human genes."

Spock always used far too many words, but Jim nodded, getting it so far.

"It would appear this is detrimental to my efficiency. I wish to be purely Vulcan, but I am not and it is illogical to ignore this fact given such direct evidence."

Jim almost thought Spock was talking around the point.

"And?" he pushed, because his hands were beginning to shake again.

"Nyota and I," there was a slight catch in Spock's voice as his spoke the name, although Jim was pretty sure he only caught it because he was quite so attuned to the other man, "have investigated certain outlets for these urges."

He just about held himself back from demanding to know what instantly. It was obvious that this was as hard for Spock as it was for him, logical Vulcan shell or no logical Vulcan shell.

"You have a fear of losing control, Captain, however, Nyota and I have ascertained that due to the control required of me at all times in daily life, in private I find it rewarding to relinquish such control."

For a moment he sat there and thought that through and it finally dawned on him what Spock meant.

"You want me to be in charge?" He had to make sure.

Spock simply raised an eyebrow again at the dumb question.

"I believe that would satisfy both our needs."

It sounded too good to be true, but Jim knew Spock wasn't lying; he would have felt it. Just for a moment he almost believed what Adam and Kris had been trying to tell him and that submissives knew what they were about when they chose.

"Is there anything ..." he tried to find something sensible to ask, but he was more of a doer than a talker in such situations.

He looked at Spock, Spock looked back and he decided he was being an idiot. He wanted to reach out, so he did, but that was when he found something was wrong and he couldn't touch. His hand stopped an inch away from Spock and he couldn't go any further. He tried to move, but he just couldn't make himself do it, every time he tried the feeling of complete wrongness jumped up at him.

"Captain?" Spock asked.

"I can't," he said, still trying to move, but unable to fight the knowledge that if he did he could hurt Spock.

He didn't understand, it made no sense, until he looked directly into Spock's eyes. Then he knew and he realised what was going on. He felt the shakes start as soon as the reality became clear.

"I can't," he said, feeling his chest tightening, "Nyota ... you ... I ... you didn't choose."

He could not hurt Spock; he was fundamentally incapable of it and just by being there he knew he was doing it. Pain ripped through his core and he stumbled backwards, curling in on himself and collapsing towards the floor.

"Captain," Spock said and Jim felt a hand touch his arm, but he could not reply as he felt the shaking become full on muscle spasms. "Doctor McCoy, Mr Allen and Protector Lambert to the captain's quarters, medical emergency," he heard Spock say.

It dimly occurred to him that he was going into another seizure and everything around him seemed to become remote.


	3. Unorthodox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Kris have to figure out what's happening to Jim and then it's up to Spock to fix it.

Adam looked at Kris as the call came over the comm and, as one, they stood up and headed for the door. The starship was a maze of corridors, but Adam had a very good sense of direction and it did not take them long to reach their destination.  
  
"What happened?" Kris asked, falling to his knees next to where McCoy was administering something to Jim.  
  
"The situation was proceeding," Spock said, eyes fixed on Jim, "but the captain seemed unable to touch me. His last words before he collapsed were 'you didn't choose'."  
  
Adam swore colourfully.  
  
"Secondary rejection," he said, knowing that it was the only explanation.  
  
"I did nothing to reject the captain's advances," Spock said in his usual, logical tone.  
  
"Not consciously," Adam explained while Kris helped McCoy with Jim, "but this is one of the reasons it is against our laws to force a bond from the mate's perspective. Unless it is entered into completely of their own free will, there is the chance the submissive will pick up on something that will put them into conflict. Jim must believe that by continuing he will hurt you in some way. What else were you talking about?"  
  
From the expression that appeared momentarily on Spock's face, Adam was pretty sure the Vulcan knew what was going on.  
  
"I brought up Nyota and certain aspects of the relationship we were experimenting with in an effort to overcome some of the captain's fears," Spock told him.  
  
He knew that Kris and Spock had spoken for some time about Lieutenant Uhura and Spock's existing relationship. Spock had assured them he had explained the whole situation to her and that she understood and it was only logical to proceed with the bond with Jim. He'd had no reason to doubt that when he had seen her, but now Adam was sure it was not that simple.  
  
"And you're in love with Nyota?"  
  
He didn't really need to ask; it had to be something like that. For a moment Spock did not reply, but then nodded shortly.  
  
"Let's get Jim on the bed," McCoy said and distracted him from the conversation.  
  
Both he and Spock moved to help and with all four of them assisting they soon had Jim lying comfortably. The seizure at least seemed to be over, but Jim was barely conscious and unresponsive.  
  
"What is the Captain's condition?" Spock asked.  
  
"He's virtually in a coma," McCoy said, "and I'll be damned if I can find any medical reason for it."  
  
"He's doing it to himself, Doctor," Kris said, giving Adam a worried look, "there is nothing you can do. If we can't break Jim out of his current state he will eventually shut down and die."  
  
That made McCoy look even less happy with the situation.  
  
"How should we proceed?" Spock asked, ever practical it seemed.  
  
"Strip," Adam said, following his instincts rather than any protocol he knew of, "and we'll strip Jim. If we get both of you into full body contact he should stabilize for now. Then we need to ask Lieutenant Uhura to join us."  
  
At the instruction to strip Spock began immediately, but at the mention of Uhura the man paused momentarily before continuing. It underlined to Adam that Spock's relationship with Uhura was far more of an issue than the Vulcan had led them to believe. Vulcan logic did not seem to be the answer to the problem after all.  
  
McCoy put a call out for the young woman in question.  
  
Spock seemed entirely unselfconscious, which was one good thing, and once Adam had helped Kris and McCoy removed Jim's clothes, the Vulcan slipped under the cover they had placed over Jim and pulled the man close to him. Spock did not exactly appear relaxed, but the pair almost looked like a genuine couple.  
  
Adam shared several worried glances with Kris as they organised everyone. Neither of them were about to say it, but when a bond was this skewed, it very rarely ended well. It was why their society had so many laws about it.  
  
He'd only really spoken to Uhura once and at the time he had thought the young woman reacted with incredible professionalism and compassion as soon as she understood the situation. He only hoped she would take the new circumstances as well. He didn't have long to wait either, because only a few minutes after the call went out, the door beeped and McCoy opened it. Uhura stepped in and almost immediately faltered when she saw Spock and Jim. The quick glance that passed between her and Spock said it all.  
  
"Doctor," Uhura said in a professional, but slightly clipped tone, "how may I help you?"  
  
McCoy just motioned towards Kris.  
  
"Lieutenant," Kris said in his usual warm manner, "we are sorry to have had to call you here, we realise this is difficult for you, but there has been a further development."  
  
Adam saw the woman quickly scan her former lover and her captain with a glance.  
  
"What do you require of me?" she asked, sounding almost like Spock.  
  
It was all a very awkward situation and Adam decided to step in.  
  
"If I could have a moment of your time," he said, offering her his hand and swapping a quick glance with Kris, who simply nodded.  
  
Uhura looked unsure, but grasped his fingers and he led her to the other side of the room. It wasn't exactly privacy, but it would have to do.  
  
"How much do you love Spock?" he asked very quietly and Uhura almost flinched.  
  
The young woman appeared torn and bit her lip.  
  
"I had always thought our relationship would eventually become official and permanent," she admitted eventually when Adam just continued to wait for her answer.  
  
For a moment Adam had the irrational desire to bang Uhura and Spock's head together. It was now clear they had both downplayed their relationship considerably when the situation with Jim had occurred.  
  
"My next question will not be easy," he said with complete honesty, "and I need you to think about it very carefully. You have to be totally sure of your answer."  
  
Uhura nodded, giving him a very serious look.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"If you could have Spock back, would you take Jim Kirk as well?"  
  
Uhura's eyes opened in shock.  
  
"I..." she said almost immediately and then stopped, looking over at the two men in the bed.  
  
Her brow wrinkled was a frown line.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because Spock was never given a choice to enter into the mate bond," Adam told her in the plainest terms he could, "and Jim can sense that Spock is still in love with you. His instincts are interpreting this as hurting Spock so he cannot move forward with their situation."  
  
He was not about to mention that Jim was dying.  
  
"And you think if I join the relationship the problem will be removed?"  
  
"It is a workable theory. This situation it not something we have had to deal with; if a mate cannot give up what they already have, they would never accept the bond, but you have to understand, in our society it is a possibility we are brought up with, we are more prepared for such a decision."  
  
"But Captain Kirk is bonded to Spock, not me, what if he perceives me as a rival?"  
  
"His need to make Spock happy is greater than any of his own needs, if you are truly willing to share, in all probability he will accept you."  
  
To her credit Uhura thought about that very carefully. As she looked over at where Jim and Spock was lying a small frown appeared on her forehead as she considered the situation.  
  
"What do I have to do?" the woman eventually asked.  
  
Adam gave her a small smile of support before replying.  
  
"That is where I believe we need to employ Spock's heritage," Adam said and slowly drew her back into the main room.  
  
It was clear Spock had heard every word of the conversation, even though it had been quiet.  
  
"I would suggest a Vulcan mind meld," Spock said in his usual stoic tone; "it would allow us both to mentally contact the Ca... Jim."  
  
There was no doubt Spock was trying.  
  
"You should be in as much physical contact as possible as well," Kris added; "it will allow Jim to better interpret what is going on when he starts to wake up."  
  
Without even being asked, Uhura began to remove her clothes. She slipped under the cover next to Jim and Spock moved so that he was leaning up on one arm.  
  
"Is there anything else we should know?" Spock asked simply.  
  
"You just have to mean it completely," Adam replied, trying to sound as positive as possible.  
  
Spock and Uhura shared a glance and then Spock very carefully reached out. The Vulcan placed one hand on the side of Uhura's face and the other on the side of Jim's, before both he and Uhura closed their eyes.  
  
"My mind to your minds, my thoughts to your thoughts," Spock said slowly and deliberately.  
  
Almost instantly Adam saw the change; both Spock and Uhura seemed to lose all interest in the real world. It would have been better if they had been able to leave the three alone, but Adam was all too aware that they didn't dare. One more seizure could kill Jim.  
  
~*~  
  
It was very strange being lost in his own mind, especially since Jim knew he was doing it deliberately. His body had needs, but those needs could hurt his mate, so he had withdrawn from the physical; perfectly logical, only his conscious mind was a few steps behind. Hence he was aware of what was happening, but he didn't really feel in control of it. The fact that his mental retreat looked surprisingly like the bridge of the Enterprise didn't overly help.  
  
"Half witted moron," he accused himself as he sat in his command chair.  
  
"I would have to disagree."  
  
He all but jumped out of his skin and he stood up, turning in shock as he heard Spock's voice. What he really, really did not expect to see was Spock and Uhura standing shoulder to shoulder in his mental projection.  
  
"What are you doing here?" he all but demanded. "How did you get into my head?"  
  
"Then you are aware of what is happening, Captain?" Uhura asked in a very concerned tone.  
  
"Yes," he said, feeling as if he should be going somewhere else or at least backing away, "I know what I did and I still want to know what you're doing in my head."  
  
"I have initiated a Vulcan mind meld," Spock said as if that was as simple as handing him the crew schedule of something. "The prognosis is grave should you be allowed to continue your chosen course of action."  
  
"I didn't chose it and I can't control it," he snapped, "so just get out of my head and get on with your lives. I saw emotion in your eyes, Spock, I ... I sensed it, so don't try and tell me I don't know what I would be messing up if I let us continue."  
  
"I would not attempt to tell you any such thing," Spock replied, "I am in love with Nyota and it seems this cannot be overcome simply by progressing logically."  
  
Hearing Spock say such things made Jim want to flinch away and he could barely control himself.  
  
"Then what the hell ..."  
  
"There are alternatives which you are not considering."  
  
That shut him up. He was pretty sure there was only one option, but Spock did not lie. Oh his first officer was quite capable of bending the truth and failing to give all the information if necessary, but lying was something Spock skirted around.  
  
"What?" he asked, unable to keep the hope out of his voice.  
  
"You are bonded to Spock," surprisingly it was Uhura who spoke, "which makes you his and he chooses to be yours. The problem is that he is also mine."  
  
Jim knew that and he wasn't getting it.  
  
"So, Jim," Spock said and his first name sounded quite bizarre on the Vulcan's lips, "the obvious solution is we bring Nyota into the relationship."  
  
That shocked him to his core and he couldn't help staring at Uhura.  
  
"What?" he asked rather stupidly. "But ... would that even work?"  
  
"It is the only option remaining," Spock said.  
  
That, however, did not answer his question and he gathered his thoughts, trying to think sensibly.  
  
"Why," he asked, looking the young woman in the eye, "why would you be willing to do this?"  
  
Uhura was not bound into this; it would complicate her life incredibly and if she just waited she could have Spock back anyway. Humanitarian issues aside, because he had no doubt if she was simply moved by pity this would end in disaster, he needed to understand her reasoning.  
  
"Because I am in love with Spock," she replied, but Jim knew that would not be enough.  
  
There was no room for jealousy in the bond; it would rip him apart and probably Spock along with it if he let this go on.  
  
"And I respect you and most of the time even like you," Uhura continued before he could voice his fears. "Adam asked me if I could have Spock back would I take you as well. He also told me it would have to be with my whole heart. You, James Tiberius Kirk have been a pain in my ass since the day I met you, but I am perfectly willing to admit I have always been attracted to you."  
  
Spock didn't even blink at that and Jim realised it was something Spock had already known.  
  
"Attraction and this," he waved his hands because it was easier than putting it into words, "are not the same."  
  
"No," she replied and stepped towards him, "but what I feel can become more. I could be logical and say that I care deeply for Spock, he cares deeply for you and hence should you die it will be detrimental to his being, or I could just admit that I like you and I'm sure, one day, I can love you too."  
  
Jim honestly had no idea what to say. He wanted Spock with every fibre of his being and knew that he had changed to make Spock want him, but Uhura, no Nyota he mentally corrected himself, altered the whole dynamic.  
  
"That leaves only the question, can you adjust to an addition to the relationship?" Spock asked in his usual straightforward manner. "There will be no chemical compulsion in this part, you must be willing to do this the human way."  
  
Several nightmare scenarios flew through Jim's head at that; he was very good at short relationships that were just a bit of fun, but he'd never had one that lasted more than a few weeks. If he was honest with himself he wasn't quite sure how they worked.  
  
"Of course, if I were to point out that including Nyota in our relationship would make me happy, I believe the issue would be less complicated," Spock said.  
  
"You really want this?" Jim asked, because it was hard to believe.  
  
"I do," Spock replied and for once did not expand on why.  
  
Jim felt something shift inside him, it wasn't sudden and complete acceptance, but it was definitely a move in the right direction. Adam had been right, at a fundamental level he wanted to make Spock happy.  
  
"Okay then," he said, feeling strangely nervous, "what happens now?"  
  
He wasn't waking up, which would seem like the thing to do since the reason for his self imposed isolation was now gone.  
  
"I believe," Spock said, walking up to him, "we must convince you that this agreement will function appropriately."  
  
"And how do we do that?" he asked.  
  
Stunned didn't quite cover his reaction when Spock simply bent down and kissed him. In fact he was so surprised that he was kissing back with vigour before his mind even caught up with what was going on. Suddenly he was desperate for as much of Spock as he could reach and he pushed himself out of the chair so he could wrap himself around his not so logical Vulcan. For a while he totally forgot that he and Spock were not alone.  
  
When he did finally break away, his eyes landed on Nyota to find that she was watching them with her lips slightly parted.  
  
"Don't stop on my account," she said, eyes large and open and black.  
  
He also noticed that the light in the room had changed. The normal bright light of the bridge had dimmed and was now tinged red as if it was red alert, but without the flashing. Clearly his subconscious was onboard with the whole situation.  
  
"What should we do?" Spock asked and Jim glanced at his mate to find Spock was looking at Nyota, which was when he remembered the conversation he and Spock had been having before he'd messed everything up.  
  
He was all for a little bit of role play in the bedroom and it occurred to him that Spock might be on to something. His instincts were humming under his skin and they were very much in approval. The fact he was not in control didn't bother him, because neither was Spock and it was the perfect way to bring Nyota into the equation.  
  
"And, James," Nyota said in a way that had him thinking all sorts of bad thoughts, "do you want me to tell you what to do?"  
  
"Hell yes," he said, because his blood was high just from the kissing.  
  
If there was one thing that was abundantly clear about Nyota it was that she was adaptable, because she smiled as if she had been born to her role.  
  
"Then strip," she told them, "I want to see what I am getting."  
  
Jim looked down at his uniform and was about to pull it off when he remembered that he was in his own mind. He was only wearing the outfit because his subconscious had put him in it when forming the construct; he'd been in casual clothes when he'd been with Spock, so he went with a theory. Concentrating he decided to be naked.  
  
"Impressive," Spock said and Jim looked down again to find that he'd actually managed it; "not many people are so proficient in controlling their self-vision."  
  
Then in the blink of an eye Spock was naked as well.  
  
"Let me guess, except Vulcans?" he said, managing to sound amused even though all his thought processes were currently squealing like teenage girls at a sleepover.  
  
He had never seen Spock naked and he was utterly shocked that Nyota hadn't simply shot him between the eyes and staked her claim when the whole situation had begun, because Spock had a perfect body.  
  
"And those trained by Vulcans," Nyota said and Jim managed to drag his eyes away from Spock long enough to realise Nyota's uniform was gone as well.  
  
She, however, had opted for a bra and panty set that Jim could only decide enhanced her magnificent figure.  
  
"Do you want to be ours, James?" Nyota asked him and he nodded wordlessly.  
  
It was not often he was struck speechless, but Spock and Nyota had managed it.  
  
"Then Spock will have you while you have me," she said; "is that acceptable?"  
  
"Yes," he forced himself to say.  
  
"Then Spock, you will need to prepare James; he is not ready for you yet."  
  
Jim was suddenly taken by the thought of what a formidable captain Nyota would make as she commanded without so much as hardening her voice. That disappeared quite quickly, however, as Spock reached out and touched him. He never would have thought that Vulcans could be a sensual people; they were so controlled, but Spock's touch was deliberate and arousing, touching him just where he needed to be touched.  
  
Spock moved in behind him, arm coming round over his hip, fingers splaying over his skin as Spock kissed the side of his neck. Those long, dexterous scientist fingers danced over his flesh and wrapped firmly around his already hard cock. The way Spock stroked him had him gasping as he leaned into the other man to maximise the contact between them. He lost himself in the sensations, feeling each touch as it was magnified by the demands of the bond between them.  
  
"Lean over the console," Spock whispered in his ear and he went without even considering hesitating.  
  
If it had been the real bridge it would have been right next to Checkov's station, as it was it was a little bit smoother and wider and, as Spock urged him over, he bent down. He felt exposed and vulnerable, not a position he was used to, but Spock's strong touch was both arousing and reassuring. Spock massaged his back, slowly moving lower with each sweep of those powerful hands, and Jim relaxed further with each sensation.  
  
He didn't know where Nyota was because he couldn't see her, but he really didn't care as Spock carefully kneaded his buttocks.  
  
"My captain," Spock said, placing a kiss on the base of his spine before a lubricated finger swiped over his entrance.  
  
He moaned, spreading his legs to give Spock better access. Where the hell the lube had come from he had no idea, but then Spock was as capable of conjuring things as he was even though it was his mind. When Spock's finger slowly breached him, he pushed back wanting more far quicker than Spock seemed to be willing to give it to him.  
  
Spock's other hand came to rest on the base of his back at that, holding him firmly in place and that caused his stomach to flutter madly. He'd been on the receiving end of Spock's strength before, but never like this and he found he liked it. This was the quiet, controlled strength that he relied on, on the bridge daily, but now it was so much more personal.  
  
So it was he remained still and let Spock stretch him with all the care of a lover of years not minutes. He moaned and at times shook, but he did not move after the silent request, allowing Spock to do whatever his mate deemed necessary to prepare him for what was coming next. Kisses were his extra reward for his good behaviour as Spock peppered his back with the sweet touches and fingers worked him open. He could feel each imprint of lips on his skin long after Spock had moved on and by the time Spock was finished his flesh was resonating with all the memories.  
  
Spock pulled him upright onto shaky legs and held him as he recovered his equilibrium.  
  
"How'm I doing?" he asked with a dazed smile.  
  
"Perfectly," Spock told him and then turned him back towards the other side of the room.  
  
Nyota was sat in the command chair and between one moment and the next she was naked. Then, with the grace of a dancer, she slid forward and parted her legs. Jim felt his mouth go dry. That proved one thing at least; he might be bonded to Spock, but he could definitely appreciate beauty and sexiness in others when he saw it. The fact that Spock was pushed up hard behind him so they were skin to skin just made the moment that much headier.  
  
"Come here then," Nyota said, smiling and beckoning to them both.  
  
He had never imagined, not even in his wildest fantasies just how all woman Nyota was. Her skin shone in the red light and he couldn't help tracing his gaze over every inch of her curves. Only as Spock nudged him did he actually move forward.  
  
"She is beautiful is she not?" Spock whispered into his ear.  
  
"Breathtaking," Jim admitted.  
  
"And ours," Spock told him.  
  
All he could do was agree.  
  
It didn't matter that this was in his mind; it was as much reality as anything that might happen outside.  
  
"My men," Nyota said and lifted one leg, hooking it around Jim's thigh as he moved close enough. "Now, James, you get to have both of us."  
  
He did not need inviting twice and with Spock's hands on his hips, guiding him forward, he carefully slipped inside Nyota's warm folds. At the back of his mind he noted that his real captain's chair was not such a perfect height, but in his mental reality its situation was right on. Nyota gave the softest sigh as he slid home and for a moment her head fell back and her eyes closed as her muscles squeezed his length.  
  
"Ready?" Spock asked him, voice less controlled than usual.  
  
He hummed and nodded; he wasn't just ready, he needed his mate. No matter how wonderful Nyota felt, something in Jim knew this was not right and as Spock's hands moved back, spreading him gently, the wrongness began to dim.  
  
The sex was in his mind, but as Spock slowly pushed into him his mental body reacted as his physical form would have done in the real world. It was not completely easy and Spock had to pause several times as Jim's body refused to allow him in, but finally Spock was as deep in him as he was in Nyota.  
  
That was when he felt it, something clicking into place that was more than physical. The bond that had been rising and falling through the entire experience flooded his whole consciousness and he sobbed as it sang with completion. His legs almost gave out and only Spock's strong arms and grabbing for the arms of the chair saved him from falling onto Nyota.  
  
"Jim?" Spock asked, all but holding him up as Nyota's smaller hands kept him upright from in front. "Do you wish to stop?"  
  
He shook his head, probably too violently.  
  
"Need ... need to ... keep going ..."  
  
He wanted to give Spock and Nyota everything, but it seemed to be beyond him. However, he managed to keep his arms braced as Spock slowly pulled out and then pushed back in, also forcing his hips forward, which Nyota seemed to appreciate. It was by no means the smoothest or prettiest sex Jim had ever had, but it was the most intense. He might have laughed when he remembered it was all in his head, but he was too far gone.  
  
Really it shouldn't have worked, he had far too little control of his body, but somehow they achieved a form of harmony. What seemed physical to begin with gradually began to melt away and as he felt himself moving closer and closer to climax it became far more metaphysical. He began to feel more and more of what Spock and Nyota were experiencing and by the time his orgasm ripped through him, they were all mixed up together.  
  
He felt the ecstasy of sexual completion and he shared it completely with both Spock and Nyota as it reflected between them echoing back and forth. It was at once the most wonderful experience he could remember and the strangest and as it slowly passed he finally felt the peace he hadn't known since Spock had found him in that cell.  
  
Jim became aware that he was lying down over a matter of a few seconds. The reality of the bridge he had created in his mind faded and the real world came into his senses. The fact he was sandwiched between two naked bodies took a little longer to register, at which point he slowly opened his eyes.  
  
"Do not move," Bones told him from beside the bed and waved a tricorder over him.  
  
It wasn't really what he had expected, but it occurred to him that he should have. Anyone else probably would have been mortified at being naked in bed with two of his officers and there being three other people in the room. Jim just took stock of the very fine male body touching him from behind and the equally fine, but female body touching him from in front and let Bones get on with whatever Bones was doing.  
  
"Well your vitals are all back where they should be," Bones told him, "but you're physically exhausted again. Sleep."  
  
Before he could protest, a hypospray was pressed against his neck and everything faded out again, this time to peaceful blackness.  
  
 **End of Chapter 3**


	4. Compromised?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starfleet were never going to just let things lie forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's finally done.

It was surprisingly not awkward when Jim finally woke up to find that he was still in bed with Spock and Nyota. What they had done while in his mind had removed what barriers there might be and he found himself surprisingly comfortable with both of his lovers. Then they spent a day and a half recreating their encounter with more control on his part and adding many more new and interesting possibilities for sex. Jim particularly liked the one where he got to watch Nyota take Spock apart and he took control and put Spock back together again.   
  
The pure pleasure in Spock when he let go was something to behold.  
  
There was also the time Spock screwed him so long and so hard he couldn't remember his own name; that was fantastic.  
  
In fact Jim had to admit when they finally managed to keep their hands off each other that he'd never had sex like it, ever, and he'd had a lot of sex. He was beginning to see some of the advantages that Kris and Adam promised were there. When he just thought about Spock and by association Nyota, Jim had to admit he was happy, but of course outside his quarters there were complications.  
  
Adam and Kris had a long sit down talk with all of them and then took Jim, Spock and Nyota to visit some of their experts in the field of submissive bonding as soon as Jim declared himself fit for duty and dared Bones to deny him. The first contact continued and everything seemed to slip back to something resembling normality, but of course Jim knew it couldn't last for long.  
  
Orders from Starfleet came in all too soon that the Enterprise was needed to ship some medical supplies to Ranar VII, where a plague had just broken out. Being one of the fastest ships in the fleet and in the area, Enterprise was the only vessel for the job. Jim was still waiting for his superiors to digest the reports about his new situation, but until they said something he had his duty to perform.  
  
It was only fair that he deliver the news to Adam and Kris in person, so he went to their quarters as soon as the orders came in.  
  
"Come in," Kris greeted when the door opened.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry," he said, stepping into the room, "but I don't have much time. The Enterprise had been ordered away from Sonara on an emergency mission; a diplomatic party will be arriving to continue negotiations for the Federation. I know it's short notice, but you'll have to pack and return to the surface."  
  
Kris looked at Adam who smiled faintly.  
  
"We can't do that," Kris said simply.  
  
"But we have to leave," Jim insisted.  
  
"And we have to come with you," Kris replied.  
  
Jim totally hadn't expected that.  
  
"But we don't know when we'll be back, if ever," he pointed out.  
  
Kris walked up to him and placed a gentle hand on his arm.  
  
"That doesn't matter," his friend told him. "We are your guides, we cannot abandon you. When you finally have no more need of us we will find our own way home if necessary. Until then, we will stay with you."  
  
"You'd do that for me, leave your home?" he asked, taken aback by the calm pronouncement.  
  
"Of course," Adam said and smiled at him.  
  
It was not an option Jim had considered and it might, possibly, have made him a little emotional, not that he was ever going to admit it.  
  
"Well, thank you," he said, not really sure how to respond properly, Kris and Adam had already done so much for him and Spock. "In that case we'll be leaving as soon as we have all our people off the surface. If you want to pick anything up, now is the time to do it."  
  
"We already have everything we need," Kris said, at which point it occurred to Jim that his friends had known this was going to happen and had planned accordingly.  
  
"Oh good," he said, doing his best not to look like a complete idiot, "than I guess I'll see you later then."  
  
After which he left as quickly as possible so he could avoid Adam and Kris until he had had a chance to adjust to this whole new development. His early life hadn't exactly prepared him for such sudden and complete demonstrations of care.  
  
~*~  
  
The medical supply run was totally routine, although when they arrived at Ranar VII the population were more than grateful. As long as Jim spent time with Spock and Nyota during his down time he found that life went on pretty much as normal. They shared his quarters every night because they were the largest, but still each had their own should they need to retreat to them for any reason.  
  
It was not all sweetness and light. He and Nyota did have one huge argument two days into the mission, but it had no effect on their work and when he apologised for being an ass with chocolates and flowers he managed to smooth everything over. The makeup sex had also been so good that he seriously considered staging small arguments every now and then just because it seemed to bring them even closer together.  
  
He did find himself listening to Spock a little more closely, but when he made decisions he couldn't say he felt any different than he had before.  
  
The crew all knew what had happened, but they were professional enough not to mention it. The Enterprise offered medical aid to the colony as well as the supplies and everything went without a hitch. In fact everything was running so well and they were almost ready to leave that when the chime to his quarters went and he found a grim looking Bones standing on the other side of the door, he didn't immediately assume his friend was there about him.  
  
"Come in," he said, since Nyota and Spock were still on shift, "can I get you a brandy?"  
  
"Sorry, Jim," Bones replied, "this isn't exactly a social call."  
  
That stopped him in his tracks.  
  
"What is it?" he asked.  
  
"Starfleet sent me a priority message," Bones told him; "they wanted more details about you and Spock."  
  
Jim sat down.  
  
"That's it then," he said and Bones just looked at him; they both knew what it meant.  
  
The orders came in the following morning; the Enterprise was to report to Starbase 3 where there would be a hearing to judge the status of her captain. The Starbase was well within the confines of the Federation, just right for a ship that was going to be changing captain. The fact that it was three days away at maximum warp was the only good thing about the whole situation.  
  
~*~  
  
Jim stood outside the guest quarters where Kris and Adam were staying and went to announce himself, but stopped. He was almost sure he could hear singing. The voice was faint, but it sounded powerful and strong and Jim suspected he knew where it was coming from. With a shake of his head he leant over and touched the panel on the wall to announce his presence. The singing stopped and the door opened to reveal a smiling Adam.  
  
"Hey, Jim," Adam greeted, "come on in, what can I do for you?"  
  
Jim stepped into the room as Adam moved out of the way.  
  
"Were you singing?" he asked, unable to avoid his curiosity.  
  
"Yes," Adam said, eyes alight with delight. "I was investigating your recordings and you have some amazing music. If you used it more I am sure your society would have had less wars. I couldn't help singing along."  
  
"I thought Kris was the singer, being an attaché?"  
  
Adam grinned at that.  
  
"Kris is a song maker, he was born to create music, but he always says I was born to sing his songs" Adam explained. "Kris says it's hard to shut me up."  
  
That Jim could believe. Adam talked a lot.  
  
"Are you okay," Adam asked, "you didn't have another argument did you?"  
  
Jim shook his head.  
  
"I have new orders," he said and sat down; "I'm to take the Enterprise and report to Starbase 3 where there will be a hearing about my new status."  
  
"Oh," Adam said and sat down as well.  
  
"Yeah," he acknowledged.  
  
"You don't believe they'll understand," Adam said gently.  
  
"I know they won't," he replied. "This is cut and dried as far as they will see it. I am fundamentally compromised."  
  
"But you're not."  
  
"They won't see it that way; they don't understand."  
  
"Then we'll make them understand," Adam told him and placed a hand on his in a move of complete solidarity.  
  
"I'm not sure it's possible," he admitted; even he wasn't quite sure if his relationship with Spock would pose a problem.  
  
Adam stood up and walked towards the other side of the room, clearly thinking.  
  
"When is this hearing?" Adam asked.  
  
"Three days."  
  
Adam thought some more.  
  
"We will ask to speak," Adam decided. "Don't worry, if anyone can explain it will be Kris. No matter how close minded they are, his words will reach them."  
  
Adam looked so sure that Jim almost believed him. He gave his friend a smile for trying, but he was almost sure in three days his career would be over.  
  
~*~  
  
"I bring this hearing to order," Admiral Pike said and Jim couldn't help thinking it was a death nell to his career in Starfleet.  
  
That Pike had been there to greet the Enterprise when she arrived had said everything to Jim. Pike was his rock in Starfleet and Pike being involved meant that, once again, the Admiral had gone to the wall for him. He doubted there would have been any hearing at all without Pike.  
  
In Starfleet's eyes he was unfit to command, it was as simple as that and the whole hearing was likely more of a formality than anything else. If Starfleet hadn't been so short of senior officers he was pretty sure he would already have been officially relieved of duty, Pike or no Pike. The one thing he had to be glad about was that the hearing was specifically about him, not Spock, and Nyota hadn't been mentioned in any of the official reports, so she was uninvolved.  
  
"We are gathered to hear the case for and against whether Captain James T. Kirk should be relieved of his command of the USS Enterprise on grounds of being emotionally and physically compromised," Pike said, glancing at him only once. "This Board of Inquiry will hear all aspects of the situation and then render a decision."  
  
"Captain Kirk is irrevocably bonded to his first officer, of course he's compromised," Admiral Trivala said from her screen in a thoroughly unimpressed tone, "the medical tests prove it. This is a waste of time and resources."  
  
"With all due respect, Admiral," Pike said before anyone else could speak up, "there is no dispute that a bond exists, what this Board of Inquiry needs to establish is whether it presents a risk to command."  
  
Trivala did not appear anymore impressed by that.  
  
"If the bench is ready, I believe it is in the interest of this investigation to understand the nature of the bond in question," Pike said. "Attaché Allen, you have requested the right to speak as an expert in this subject."  
  
Kris stood up.  
  
"Yes, Admiral, thank you, but I would request that my bonded, Protector Lambert, present our evidence."  
  
"Why can't you give us your own report, Attaché Allen?" Admiral Bonnet asked in a reasonable tone.  
  
"Because, with all due respect, Admirals, we believe the only way to convey the truth is to do it in the manner of our people," Kris replied, "and while I am capable of presenting my own composition, we feel this is of such importance that Adam's voice must be heard."  
  
"The Sonarian people use bards for all important negotiations," Pike explained to the other two Admirals.  
  
"You wish to sing?" Trivala asked as if it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.  
  
"If I may, Admirals," Spock put in politely. "The Sorarians have had no war on their planet for fifteen centuries thanks to their use of song. It would be most illogical to dismiss their methods simply because they are not ours."  
  
"Thank you, Mr Spock," Pike said with a nod of his head. "If we are all in agreement I suggest we proceed."  
  
Jim was actually quite shocked when no one protested as Adam stood up. When Adam had assured him that Kris would make sure everyone understood, he had had no idea his two friends would go this far. The pair had to have been working non-stop since the call came in to report to the starbase. Jim knew for a fact that big presentations often took weeks to prepare for on the couple's home planet. There had been plenty of welcoming songs when the Enterprise had arrived on Sonara, but he was pretty sure those had been standard greetings. This was an entirely different matter.  
  
Adam moved to the centre of the room and closed his eyes. For a moment there was complete silence and then Adam opened his mouth and hit a note that was low and deep. It reverberated through the chamber and Jim realised that Adam had instinctively picked the perfect place in the room for the acoustics. The standard starbase conference room wasn't exactly built with music in mind, but that didn't actually seem to make a lot of difference.  
  
The sound was so beautiful that it took Jim a couple of seconds to realise Adam was singing actual words. It was at that point he made himself concentrate and take in what Adam was trying to convey.  
  
The song was like no report Jim had ever heard. The words conveyed their meaning clearly, but they were so beautifully put together and the music that went with them made it impossible not to listen. Everything Kris and Adam had ever taught him about the bond was there: its significance in Sonarian society; the sacred nature of the connection; the joy it could bring; the strength it gave. Nothing was skipped or missed and the emotion that came through was breathtaking.  
  
Adam's voice moved from the depths and soared to the heights and it took everyone in the room with it, imparting information with every note and word.  
  
When, finally, Adam came to a stop, there was barely the sound of breathing in the room, let alone anything else and it held for several long seconds.  
  
"Yes, well," Pike said, recovering first, "thank you Protector Lambert, that was a ... a most eye opening experience."  
  
Jim could only agree and he'd known most of the information before.  
  
"Agreed," Admiral Trivala said and she seemed to actually mean it.  
  
Adam gave a small bow and returned to his seat. Jim did his best to convey his thanks as he met his friend's eye.  
  
"It appears that to a Sonarian there is no doubt this bond is a wonderful thing," Admiral Bonnet said from his seat, "however, I feel I must point out that Captain Kirk is not Sonarian, no matter how his DNA may have been altered. Neither is he resident on Sonara; he is a Starfleet captain and it is to those ideals he must be held."  
  
That brought Jim right back to reality with a thud.  
  
"May I speak please, Admirals?" he asked, since this was his hearing.  
  
"The board recognises Captain Kirk," Pike said before anyone could disagree.  
  
"I am emotionally attached to Mr Spock," he said, because there was no denying it, "however, it will not interfere with my duties. Now that the initial bonding period is over, Mr Spock and myself are quite capable of going about our separate tasks with no ill effects. We have been for the past nine days before this board of inquiry was convened."  
  
"But you have not been in any combat or stressful situations during that time," Admiral Trivala pointed out. "What would happen if Mr Spock were directly threatened in a life or death situation, can you honestly say you would put your ship and crew above him?"  
  
Jim didn't reply, because, honestly, he didn't know.  
  
"The Captain's silence speaks far louder than..." Bonnet started to say.  
  
"Perhaps what we need is a demonstration," Pike said before Bonnet could conclude anything completely damning.  
  
"What are you suggesting, Admiral Pike?" Trivala asked.  
  
"We test our cadets with simulations," Pike replied and Jim couldn't help wondering if the admiral had had this idea up his sleeve the entire time. "We could retest Captain Kirk and Commander Spock and pending the outcome of the test, delay our verdict."  
  
It actually sounded like a workable plan. If Jim was honest, he wanted to know what he would do as well.  
  
"I'm sorry, Admirals," Kris said before the conversation could continue, "any simulation will be flawed."  
  
"Would you care to explain, Attaché Allen?" Admiral Pike asked, sounding disappointed.  
  
"We are dealing with instinctive reactions here, Sir," Kris replied and Jim listened expectantly, since he wanted to know why as well, "if Captain Kirk and Mr Spock are aware the situation is not real they will react to that not the situation as it is simulated. Any results would not be a true reflection of reality. All studies on my world have shown that reactions in real situations and lab experiments are radically different."  
  
That rather shut that door completely and Jim didn't bother protesting, because he had given up doubting anything Kris or Adam had to say about the situation. He could not think of any other options; there seemed to be no way to tell if he was a danger to his ship without there actually being a combat situation. In fact he might never know unless Spock somehow managed to put himself right in the middle of something.  
  
He was pretty sure the board were at least about to suspend him from duty when Spock slowly stood.  
  
"If I may," Spock requested and Pike simply nodded. "Admirals," Spock said, the epitome of logical calm, "I would respectfully like to remind you that Captain Kirk is a formidable captain, his insight is outstanding, his tactical abilities without question and his leadership skills are unorthodox, but effective, however, I am sure you will agree he is also unpredictable, often rash and has a worrying tendency to believe he is immortal."  
  
Jim wasn't sure if Spock was doing such a great job of helping his case with that last part as the admirals nodded.  
  
"I therefore put it to you, sirs, that the current state of affairs does not impair, but enhances the Captain's abilities. The Captain is quite capable of being his usual, impetuous, stubborn self, but is more likely to accept good advice when he is given it."  
  
"But Commander Spock," Admiral Bonnet countered, "we have to consider what would happen if you were compromised. Surely you have to agree there is the possibility that that would compromise Captain Kirk as well and hence the Enterprise?"  
  
"I do not believe so, Admirals," Spock said simply. "I am Vulcan, I believe the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Captain Kirk knows this and would hence act as a captain should no matter the danger to myself. I will reiterate, I believe the captain's current condition, far from being detrimental, is in fact the opposite."  
  
"Thank you, Mr Spock," Admiral Pike said and Spock sat down.  
  
Bones spoke next, going over the medical evidence and the reports on Jim's seizures. His friend did his best to point out that there had been no incidents since Spock and he had commenced a physical relationship, but Jim wasn't sure the message had got through.  
  
It became clear his crew had been questioned, because several reports about their latest mission were read into the record, but, really, it all seemed much of a muchness to Jim. The critical points had already been covered and everything else was so much window-dressing.  
  
"Admirals, if I may be permitted to add one more item," Spock said before the session could be concluded.  
  
"Yes, Mr Spock," Admiral Trivala acknowledged with a nod.  
  
"If you find it impossible to allow both the captain and myself to remain in our current positions, I would request that I be the officer reassigned. There is a position in..."  
  
"Spock, I can't let you do that," Jim said, on his feet instantly.  
  
There was no way he was letting Spock make such a sacrifice for him.  
  
"Captain, it is only logical," Spock replied.  
  
The look that Spock gave him stopped him in his tracks and the loud protest he had been about to make died. It didn't take the feelings with it, but it did make him pause.  
  
"It's not logical to me," he said instead.  
  
"Since the battle for Vulcan, Starfleet has been short of experienced captains," Spock explained in his annoyingly logical tone. "To lose a combat veteran captain in favour of a science officer would be illogical and I would also be unable to remain on the Enterprise if you were to be replaced. We must serve in the same place and for you to remain on the Enterprise should you be relieved of the captaincy would be impossible."  
  
Jim wanted to argue, he really did, but he knew as well as anyone else the chaos the whole Romulan incident had caused.  
  
"Hell, I hate it when you're right," he said and sat down, crossing his arms over his chest in resignation.  
  
"Thank you, Mr Spock," Admiral Pike said in a terse tone, "we will take that under advisement. We will adjourn until tomorrow."  
  
~*~  
  
Jim was just pulling on his dress uniform for what he expected to be his last day as a Starfleet captain when red alert sounded. He barely hesitated, merely sending a glance at Nyota where she was coming out of the bathroom, and then he was out of the door and jogging towards the turbo lift. Ignoring the fact that his jacket was hanging open, he set his sights on the bridge and then hit the comm panel.  
  
"Kirk to the Bridge," he said efficiently, "report."  
  
"Station security have found a device attached to Deep Space 5's secondary reactor," Spock's even voice came back all but instantly. "We are awaiting details."  
  
"I'll be there in twenty seconds," he replied and then shut down the connection.  
  
As he walked onto the bridge everyone was at their stations, including Spock who was in his dress uniform just like Jim. His lover had left their quarters early that morning to catch up on some of the work they had missed because of their situation. Now Jim was beginning to wish he had asked Spock to stay in bed for possibly their last morning together as things were.  
  
"The device appears to be Romulan," Spock reported immediately, "and is turning the reactor into an explosive mechanism. It is protected by what appears to be a new style neutrino energy field."  
  
A chill went down Jim's spine.  
  
"They are requesting engineering assistance and evacuation of personnel," Spock finished the report.  
  
Of course they were requesting assistance, neutrino fields were cutting edge and Jim knew of only a few people in Starfleet who knew anything about them. Two of them happened to be on his ship.  
  
"I would like to remind the Captain that I have studied neutrino fields extensively," Spock said.  
  
"Yes, Spock, I know," he snapped back, that was his dilemma.  
  
He was torn. Of course he knew what he should do, it was obvious, but he was loathed to send Spock into such danger. For a moment he was frozen in indecision as his conflicting thoughts fought with each other. He could send Philips, the woman was qualified to do the job, but Spock was far superior with his Vulcan intellect. This was exactly why Starfleet wanted to relieve him of command. In the end all he could focus on was what Spock had said in the hearing; his bondmate did believe in the needs of the many and he knew exactly what Spock would say. He also knew his duty.  
  
"Mr Spock, head the away team, take whomever you deem necessary," he said succinctly. "Mr Scott, I want full power to the transporters, get as many people over here as you can, but be ready to switch to shields if we need it."  
  
"Aye, Captain," came back instantly and Spock was already on the way to the door.  
  
"Just make sure you come back, Spock," he said, unable to help himself as his lover and first officer walked into the turbo lift.  
  
Spock simply nodded once and that was it. Jim shared a glance with Nyota as she slipped into her duty station and then turned back to the situation at hand.  
  
"Mr Checkov, I want immediate updates if anything over there changes," he said and tried to keep his mind on the job rather than the danger Spock was in.  
  
A terrorist attack this far into Federation space was not completely unheard of, but it had to have been a huge risk for whoever had planted the device.  
  
"Mr Sulu, plot us the fastest course out of here in case we need to leave in a hurry," he instructed. "Mr Rogers, find me anything unusual in the system, anything from space junk to an ion trail. If the perpetrators are still anywhere nearby I want to know."  
  
It was a long shot, but at least it gave him something to think about.  
  
"Enterprise to Mr Spock," he said after ten minutes of looking for indications he was pretty sure weren't there.  
  
"Spock here," came the reply.  
  
"Anything to report?" he asked, more than a little relieved to hear Spock's voice.  
  
"We have rendered one field safe, Captain," Spock told him, "and we are about to proceed into the reactor room."  
  
"Be careful," he said, knowing he was just being a distraction now.  
  
"Of course, Captain, Spock out."  
  
As he looked down he realised his fingers were going white on the arm rest of his chair and he made a conscious effort to release them. If he was ever going to retain his captaincy he had to handle this situation perfectly, but right about then all he really wanted was Spock back beside him.  
  
"Breathe," a gentle voice said from beside him and he twisted to find that Adam was standing just to his left.  
  
He had noted when the two Sonarians walked onto his bridge, but he hadn't realised Adam was so close.  
  
"I'm trying," he said with a tight smile.  
  
Before Adam could give him any sage advice, the comm. system suddenly screamed and the lights dimmed, before coming back up to full brilliance.  
  
"Report," he said, focusing completely back on the job at hand.  
  
"That was," Checkov began to report and then stumbled over his words, "that was a neutrino explosion, Captain, Sir."  
  
Jim did his best to not panic and hit the communicator button on the arm of his chair.  
  
"Enterprise to Mr Spock," he said, hoping that he sounded steadier than he felt.  
  
There was no response.  
  
"Enterprise to Mr Spock," he repeated.  
  
Again nothing.  
  
"Enterprise to Mr Spock," he tried a third time.  
  
"Enterprise, oh god, Enterprise, this is Ensign Avari," a crackling answer finally came back. "There was ... there was a booby trap. Mr Spock walked right into it. There's ... I don't know ... there's nothing left."  
  
Jim felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest; he literally felt physical pain as he tried to process what he had just heard. The only way he managed to even make his mind react was to focus on the practical.  
  
"And the bomb, Ensign?" he asked, voice distant in his ears.  
  
"Still active, Sir," the young man's voice came back, stronger now as if reacting to his authority.  
  
It was a nightmare, but he had to do his job.  
  
"Philips," he just about managed to force through his lips, "report to transporter room 1. Medical, get a team down there now."  
  
Spock was gone; he just couldn't deal with it. His mind shrieked in agony and he had to claw on to what was left of his sanity. There were other lives at stake; he could not abandon them.  
  
"Mr Scott, report, how many people have we evacuated?" All he could do was focus on what he needed to do. He could crumple later.  
  
"Two hundred and fifty nine so far, Captain," came the efficient response. "The interference is increasing, we're not going to be able to transport many more."  
  
"Get as many as you can," he replied, ignoring the fact that his vision was trying to tunnel down as he struggled.  
  
"Aye, Sir," Scott came back.  
  
"Mr Checkov, do your best to counter the interference, you should be able to use the sensor array," he said, forcing his mind to operate on a purely logical level.  
  
Spock would have been proud.  
  
"Yes, Sir," Checkov replied.  
  
'Dead', his mind screamed the word at him even as he refused to acknowledge it. He could feel Adam hovering very close to him, but he prayed the other man would not touch or speak to him, because he was pretty sure that would break him. If he held the thought away and concentrated on his duty he might be able to get his crew and a large percentage of the station personnel to safety, if he didn't he knew he was finished.  
  
He began to throw orders out left and right; anything to get the Enterprise through the crisis and his mind away from the reality trying to crush him.  
  
"Philips to Enterprise," a message finally came through from the Ensign, but it was breaking up.  
  
"Go ahead, Ensign," he replied, voice so calm it was probably terrifying his crew.  
  
"Mr Spock had neutralised most of the defences, Sir," Phillips reported over the crackling connection, "we should be able to disarm the device in a few minutes. All ships will have to evacuate the area when we do."  
  
"Understood, Ensign," he said; "let us know when you are ready. Until then we will continue the evacuation."  
  
"Yes, Sir, Philips out."  
  
It was almost over and that kind of terrified Jim. Once the danger to his ship and his people was gone he had no idea what he would do. Standing, he waited for Philips to give them the go, but it never came.  
  
The alarms all stopped at once and Jim was left standing there wondering what the hell was going on.  
  
"Checkov, report," he demanded.  
  
The vid screen went from a picture of the station to Admiral Pike and Jim's mind refused to catch up.  
  
"This simulation is over," Pike said and Jim felt his thoughts trying to stall.  
  
"Simulation?" he asked as his mind spiralled.  
  
"After Mr Allen's report yesterday we realised we could not test your situation with your knowledge, Captain," Pike said, smiling at him in a pleased manner, "so we set up this simulation over night. Congratulations, on the results we have seen this enquiry is concluded and you have been cleared for duty. Keep up the good work."  
  
"Yes, Admiral," he replied, more out of habit than anything else.  
  
It was a simulation, a game. No one was dead. Spock was alive.  
  
The screen switched back to the view of the station and Jim heard himself give a slightly hysterical laugh. The clamp on his heart released and it was all a bit too much. Totally unable to do anything about it, he simply passed out.  
  
~*~  
  
Adam didn't remotely try to get in Kris' way as his partner stormed to the nearest communications station. They had just come from sickbay where Jim was still unconscious and Kris was furious. Adam didn't blame him either, he was pretty angry himself.  
  
"Admiral Pike," Kris said after punching buttons.  
  
It took a little while, but then Pike popped onto the screen.  
  
"Attaché Allen," Pike said politely, "what can I do for you?"  
  
"What the hell did you think you were doing?" Kris didn't bother to regulate his volume or tone and Adam was impressed by the look that caused on Pike's face.  
  
Usually Kris was polite, happy and laid back, but Adam was well aware his lover had his moments.  
  
"I would appreciate it if you would calm yourself, Mr Allen," Pike said, face hardening. "This was an internal Starfleet matter and was handled as such."  
  
"And you didn't think to check before you did something so incredibly stupid?" Kris demanded.  
  
"We were acting on your recommendations," Pike pointed out, clearly holding onto his anger.  
  
"I made no such recommendation," Kris said, glaring.  
  
Adam had seen more powerful men than Pike cave under that stare before.  
  
"Your report indicated that a simulation ..."  
  
"I know what I said," Kris all but yelled back. "That does not mean I condone this idiotic course of action."  
  
"This was a necessary test of Captain Kirk and ..."  
  
"You could have killed him."  
  
That shut up Pike and Adam mentally scored a point for Kris.  
  
"What?" the Admiral asked and to his credit, the man looked shocked.  
  
"You made Jim think Spock was dead," Kris said, finally regulating his tone. "Their bond is new and Jim has already been through more stress than any being should in such a short time. The shock could have killed him."  
  
For a moment Pike looked stricken.  
  
"We had no idea," Pike admitted. "I must speak with Jim."  
  
"He's in sickbay," Adam stepped in as Kris calmed himself down, "unconscious. He collapsed after your message. He's recovering now that Spock has returned to the ship, but Dr McCoy has sedated him to make sure he rests."  
  
"Jim collapsed?" Pike's tone changed at that information.  
  
"The moment his duty was done, Admiral," Kris said, voice hardening again. "Do not make the mistake of seeing this as a weakness. You cannot conceive of the strength it took for Jim to keep going when you simulated Spock's death."  
  
Kris didn't give Pike a chance to respond and just cut the connection, at which point Adam reached for his bondmate. Kris sagged into his arms and he held on.  
  
"Can you imagine..?" Kris asked, voice soft and distressed.  
  
"No," Adam replied before Kris could go on, "I don't want to. They don't understand, they never will be able to, now we just have to worry about Jim, Spock and Nyota."  
  
Kris nodded, turning and face planting right into his chest. It was a request for comfort and Adam just gave all he could. What Starfleet had done to Jim was a crime as heinous as attempted murder on their home planet; it was beyond his comprehension.  
  
~*~  
  
The fact that Jim had a three minute apology from Pike on his personal messaging log and a request to talk to him privately didn't change the fact he was still reeling from the simulation. It didn't escape him that the Enterprise was being given special access to the Starbase's facilities either as all of his crew were extended shore leave. Pike clearly realised Starfleet had screwed up royally, but Jim was just glad he had a few days to get over the incident before they were being sent off to god knew where.  
  
Since Bones had released him from sickbay, he had returned to his quarters with Spock and had buried himself in reports. Bones had banned him from the bridge until at least the next day, but he could still find something else to focus on. Spock had taken to sitting quietly in the corner doing something similar.  
  
"Jim," Spock's voice finally caught his attention, at which point he realised he had been staring at the wall.  
  
Spock was standing right next to him and he hadn't even noticed.  
  
"You do not look well."  
  
"I'm fine," he said, but there was a catch in his voice.  
  
"I feel I must point out, you are not fine."  
  
It was said so logically, but Spock placed a hand on his arm at the same time and that was not so logical at all. Jim felt his breathing shudder as he was once again reminded of what he had thought he had lost.  
  
"I am perfectly all right," he tried to say, but this time his voice broke completely and he had trouble blinking back the wetness in his eyes.  
  
He did not cry; he hadn't cried since he was a child and he was not about to start now. Only, the problem was, he didn't seem to be able to stop. The sob that was wrenched from his chest would not die and all his carefully constructed mental strength crumbled. He had faced death on more than one occasion, but what he had felt when facing Spock's had torn him apart. All he could do was sob his pain into his hands.  
  
If Spock had been human Jim probably would have found himself enveloped in a hug, but Spock was not human and instead knelt down next to his chair. What Jim wanted to do was hide his shame at his tears, but his mate would not let him. Spock placed fingers under his chin and lifted his face so that he had to look into the Vulcan's eyes.  
  
"I am alive," Spock told him in a very straightforward tone. "I would never have been deceived by such a primitive trap as was presented in the simulation. There is only a one in one hundred probability that we will encounter any entity or situation that will cause either of us to die before the other."  
  
Jim hiccupped as that fired the logical centres of his brain.  
  
"That can't be right," he said, or at least managed enough of a facsimile of what he wanted to say for Spock to understand.  
  
"I did not include any entity or situation which might cause us to die together," Spock said without so much as batting an eye.  
  
Jim laughed. It wasn't controlled, was definitely still on the hysterical side of any reaction he could have given and he was still crying, but it was a laugh. No sentiment or human comfort could have cut through what he was feeling, but Spock had seemed to know exactly what to say. The pain was still right there, but, at least for a moment Jim had a little distance to it.  
  
"Die together?" he said as he tried to catch his breath.  
  
"That would be the only logical course of action," Spock replied and very carefully placed his fingers on the side of Jim's face. "If I may," he said, "I believe this may help."  
  
"Yes," Jim said, voice still unsteady.  
  
"My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thought," Spock said and then they were flowing into each other without form or boundaries and it was exactly what Jim needed.  
  
It was intimate and binding and Jim let his being be wrapped in the comfort and warmth of proof that his bondmate had not been taken from him, but was right there in mind and body. He could not say it was enough, he wasn't sure when his battered psyche would settle, but it was enough for then.  
  
~*~  
  
The Enterprise had a new mission; a diplomat needed dropping off at one of the outer colonies and then the crew were back into unknown territory. Adam was enjoying exploring the way the ship ran and all its systems and he had been talking to security hoping he might be useful.  
  
As it was, the ship had one evening of shore leave left and he and Kris had volunteered to help give the Enterprise a good send off. They were staging a concert on the starbase with several musicians from the Enterprise and Adam was looking forward to it like nothing else. The one thing he really missed was the music of Sonara.  
  
Kris nudged him as he was checking the settings for one of the instruments and nodded towards the right side.   
  
Adam looked over and was just in time to see Jim reach out, grab Nyota and pull her into his lap. She said something, slapped him and he almost fell of the seat laughing. It made Adam smile.  
  
He hadn't seen Jim laugh or even smile much since Starfleet had almost destroyed him and seeing the other man joking about was the best result he could have hoped for. There were still dark patches under Jim's eyes and Adam could tell his friend was keeping an eye on where Spock was, but it was clear things were improving.  
  
"Their bond is settling again," Kris whispered to him quietly.  
  
"Humans are resilient," Adam replied, "Vulcans too."  
  
"They are better matched than I ever could have imagined," Kris agreed.  
  
Spock looked up at them and shared a look, at which point Adam realised the sharp eared Vulcan had to have been able to hear them. He smiled and nodded at Spock in acknowledgement and then turned back to Kris.  
  
It didn't take long to finish the set up as the other musicians took their places, then the lights went down. Adam moved to the centre of the stage with Kris just behind him and to the side before taking a deep breath. Kris played a single note and Adam opened his mouth and hit one over an octave higher in a perfect harmony. The crowd cheered and the concert was underway.  
  
There was nothing that Adam loved more than music, nothing that could make his heart and soul soar in quite the same way. As he looked around at the faces, some he knew, some he didn't, he was glad he could bring this joy to others. He had never really expected to leave Sonara, his people weren't exactly explorers, but he did not regret that he had.  
  
Jim, Spock and Nyota would need help and their friends and colleagues would need to continue to adjust, but the worst was behind. What lay ahead was simply adventure.  
  
 **The End**


End file.
